Many of you have been quite surprised by the recent announcement of my anticipated move to South Korea. I know this is happening really fast, trust me when I say I had absolutely no idea it would happen this fast or my human self would have tried to hold onto control for a little longer. So here's the story of how AMAZING our God is...
In 2007, I was wrapping up my last Semester of college and hadn't yet started getting plugged into a church. I felt the Lord calling me to serve with the youth group (junior high and high school) but I didn't understand why. That is a really hard age to work with and here I was damaged from an abusive relationship and trying to find my way back to Him and He was telling me to give to others. I didn't feel I had anything left to give. So, I did something I'm pretty good at, shamefully good at actually, and definitely not proud... I ignored God. I felt like if I just didn't listen to His voice, it would go away. <----- (Note: This ignoring thing I talk about became a theme throughout the next couple of years of my life) So, God laughed when I ignored Him, I imagine Him in heaven pointing down to me and telling the angels "I'll show her what it means to ignore me," and so He did! Shortly after I started working at CPS He sent the teenagers to me, 6 of them to be exact. He sent one with fetal alcohol syndrome, a 12 year old who cut herself regularly, a 13 year old with bipolar disorder and mental retardation, a 15 year old who cursed me out regularly, tried to jump out of a moving car on a freeway, was involved with drugs/alcohol and even spent time in jail, a teenage mother who would later tell me she was pregnant with her 2nd child before the age of 18, and a child with severe anger problems who was frequently expelled from school. Can you picture Him laughing now??
During my time at CPS I began to realize I had a passion for teaching. The idea of teaching abroad was really heavy on my heart, I could feel the Lord speaking to me but I still wasn't at a place in my life where I was seeking Him, I was selfishly making all my own decisions. So, when the time came for me to be obedient to God's calling, I did that thing I told you I was good at and ignored Him again, except this time I kind of laughed in His face. You see, in my selfish, human, unfaithful brain I had convinced myself if I went to Korea I would stay single and never get married, I also convinced myself that the depression I had battled so hard to overcome would come back if I uprooted my life and left my family and friends. The thing I didn't realize at the time was that if the Lord was calling me to something He was going to take care of me. So, I ran, I ignored, I dodged Him every time He tried to bring it up again.
I joined an alternative certification program and began taking classes to work toward transitioning into teaching here in the states. So in April last year, after running for a little while, I e-mailed my friend Andy who had moved from Dallas to teach in South Korea. He was in Taiwan at the time but gave me some very useful information so I started looking into it. For some reason I still couldn't bring myself to do it. I was finally making friends for the first time since I had been in Dallas, I was getting plugged into the church and had just started the process for community group and I wasn't ready to let go of my life. So the running and ignoring continued...
11 months later, while I was in Equipped Disciple this past Spring we were talking about faith and trusting the Lord. God broke me and I felt completely convicted that for 3 years I had run from his calling and tried to control my own life and in 3 years nothing had changed! I was still single, haha Korea wasn't keeping me single, I was, and I was still living selfishly and making my own decisions instead of trusting God. So I told my friend who I was in ED with at the time that I felt I needed to apply to teach in South Korea. I told her I felt I needed to show God that I was finally trusting Him. It only took me 6 months to actually do what I said I was going to do and when I did that's when God said "It's about time, now let's go!"
As I was researching recruiters, I found one I felt completely confident using. On Dan's website he encouraged anyone who was interested to apply, whether they had their documents or not. So, I took his advice and put my anticipated start date as January but hoping I wouldn't get matched with a job until February/March (still trying to control things). But God had another plan. So, I got matched with 2 jobs almost immediately and was asked "Can you start before January." While talking to my ubber wise roommate she reminded me that God called me to this and I needed to follow where He was leading. So I said yes and immediately accepted an interview for one of the jobs. After a week of not hearing anything I contacted the recruiter and was told the school had chosen to accept me and all I had to do now was sign the contract. I'm sure you know by now it wasn't that easy for me. I had a list of things I told the recruiter I wanted answers to before I would sign and don't you know God already knew I would be doing that and provided EVERY SINGLE ANSWER. He knew my fears and anxieties and He totally minimized them all.
One of the verses I find myself coming back to often (probably because of my rebellious, stubborn nature) is Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. You see, God knew I was AM stubborn and rebellious, God knew I would try to do things my way, God knew I would run from Him and ignore Him, and God knew I would eventually wake up and obey. It doesn't matter how much I ran or ignored, this was His plan all along and He was going to get me there by helping me come to my senses or He was going to get me there kicking and screaming. I have no idea where this Journey is going to take me but I am so excited to finally be in a place of completely surrendering to Him. I can't wait to see where He will use me and who's path He will bring me into next!
