How do you know if you are doing God's will?

Yesterday after a night of brokenness I asked a guy at work if he had any resources on discerning God's will from Satan's distractions. Matt didn't really have a clear answer for me but what he did say was so profound and it really resonated with me. He said "I don't know much but I do know this; we are created to be made in the likeness of Christ and we are created to do good works. So, if you are striving to become more like Christ and doing good works, then I believe you are within God's will." I thought to myself "That's it?, Really?" In his short response he seemed so confident. I was expecting him to say more, surely it had to be more complicated than that.

In my head, I always try to piece things together. Everything has to have a purpose and a place and if it doesn't fit I usually discard it, and sometimes I find a place for it. I realized through my conversations with Matt and another friend and some sermons I listened to yesterday that I have been finding a place for a lot of things lately and trying to make them fit. In one of the messages I was listening to yesterday, JP said "Our desperate desire to know God's will replaces our faith." Ouch, how true is that. I think so often we want answers, we want clarity, we want to know what is going to happen next and God never promises us we will know, he just asks us to trust Him. JP's message also reminded me that in all we do we are to love God and love people. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, whoever we are serving, God wants us there. He wants us loving on them, He wants us showing them compassion, mercy, kindness and gentleness, and He wants us to show them WHO HE IS!

In Matthew 28:19 we are told to "...go and make disciples of all nations..." there are two verbs in that sentence, "go" and "make." Up to this point I've gotten caught up on the "go" part but I realized "make" is the active verb here, that is what we are called to do. Wherever we go, wherever we are, we are to disciple others and grow God's kingdom. God gives us the ability to make choices and decisions about where we will serve Him and how we will serve Him but the bottom line is we should always be extending ourselves. With some new information, I am currently reassessing things and I realize now the choice is mine (:F). My eyes have been opened to new things lately and I just love how God continues to reveal himself. I will never get sick of learning and growing.

When girls choose boys over God...

I moved to DFW a couple weeks after I turned 18. Eager to embrace the big city and start what I thought was going to be a modeling career. Kim Dawson Modeling Agency had shown an interest in me and I was moving to DFW to explore the modeling world. And then I met a boy... My 1st boyfriend, a boyfriend who didn't think his girlfriend should be in magazines and on TV for other guys to see. Modeling for me would have been as PG as it could get but he had some insecurities and didn't want me to do it. So... in love, and with googly eyes I told him I wouldn't do it.

My relationship with the dreaded ex was 2 years of making decisions I knew did not honor God. God was running to me with arms wide open trying to embrace me and I was pushing him away. I was a wreck because I could feel God longing to have me back but I continued to fight it. I made choices during that relationship God used to help me get to where I am today but there is no doubt in my mind that had I been obedient, He still could have taught me those lessons in a different way.

Unfortunately, I still didn't learn after that last relationship. Singleness has always been an area I have tried to hold onto. Despite learning time after time that my way is anything but the right way I still wanted control. About a year and a half ago JP was talking a lot about "embracing" our singleness and making the most of it. I took the challenge to commit to using my singleness to prepare my heart for my husband. I prayed that the Lord would reveal to me things that were keeping me single, keeping me from being ready for the man I knew was prayerfully waiting for me. Well, God answered that prayer, oh did He answer that prayer. He revealed things to me I didn't realize I needed to let go of, He revealed to me things in my heart that were hindering me from growing in a more intimate relationship with Him and would ultimately keep me from growing with my partner when I got to that place. I have searched my heart, prayed, and dug into the word in an attempt to prepare my heart and I have realized I am still not ready.

At 28 the Lord has brought a man in my life who's passion and love for the Lord is so encouraging. He digs into the word and speaks scripture to others. He has a heart of service, surrounds himself with godly men who lift him up because he knows how important that is, and he strives to grow in his walk. He loves his family and I know he will be an amazing husband and a wonderful father to the children he will have. He's definitely not perfect, but his imperfections make his character uniquely intriguing. My friendship with him has made me realize that even when an amazing man of God walks into your life God's timing and God's plan trump everything else. As God was stirring my heart for Korea, Satan was stirring my selfish desires and I'm embarrassed to admit I did it again, I postponed applying to the job in Korea because I was selfish and wanted to see if my friendship with him could be taken to the next level.

Please hear me when I say doing things our own way only takes us on a detour and wastes time. God's plan is far greater than anything we could ever imagine. It's so easy to be stubborn and selfish but when we do things our way it leaves us roaming around hitting the same walls never getting any closer to what we are trying to accomplish. Choosing self, or boys in my case has only postponed God's plan for me. It has left me not getting any closer to things I know God wants to do with me. I am so completely ready to fall into His arms and let him drop me where He wants me next. I don't know who God has out there waiting for me, but I do know I want to continue to prepare my heart for him and strive to be the woman he deserves. I'm done taking detours, I'm done circling the mountain. I'm sure he's sick of waiting on me to figure things out :)

"I get along better with the guys... I don't make girlfriends easy."

I was the really tall awkward skinny girl you grew up with. I didn't get "pretty" until I got to high school and boys didn't like me before my high school days because I was "one of the guys." I was super athletic, played basketball, tennis and track in junior high and soccer and tennis in high school. I was always wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress and absolutely DESPISED pink. To this day I own 1 coral dress and one pink Johnny Cash t-shirt (only because they didn't have any other color.) Ruffles, hair bows and knee high socks made me want to vomit and my hair was always in a pony tail. Needless to say, I didn't really have many "girlfriends." Actually, girls kind of annoyed me. I couldn't relate to them, I didn't enjoy chatting about boys because I didn't have boys to chat about, I didn't want them putting make up on me or fixing my hair and heaven forbid if the words "dress up" were involved. I could fake it pretty good when I needed to but I usually tried to avoid situations where I had to fake it. So, in order to justify my distaste for females I used the excuse most tomboy girls use which was "I get along better with guys." It was partly the truth because I did relate more to masculine things, but the real truth was I didn't really want to try to get along with the girls.

Throughout college I had 2 girls I leaned on for everything. Muah, love you both! But that was it, they were my "best friends" and I wasn't trying to find any new ones to add to the list. When I moved back to Dallas after a really bad breakup I knew I need to break away from the "I get along better with guys" excuse and try to make some girlfriends. So I searched for girlfriends and met some through a christian meetup group. You can read my beautifully talented friend Julie's blog to get the full story about how we met here. When I met these girls and realized girlfriends weren't all that bad I continued to seek girls who were like minded who loved the Lord and I now have a plethora of amazing women surrounding me and you know what I've learned... It's easy to make good girlfriends, and girlfriends totally rock!!

Girlfriends write you e-mail prayers when you are having a bad day and they can't call you because your cell phone is considered contraband at work. Girlfriends pray to God and ask him to "take all the cookies away" because she knows you struggle daily with body image. Girlfriends stick by your side for 15 years after you've exposed all your dirty laundry, called them 10 times in one day to cry about the same boy who you continue to take back time and time, heart ache after heart ache. Girlfriends drive to Dallas from Killeen to spend a day and a half with you for your birthday. Girlfriends take a day off work and drive to your house to pick you up and take you to the doctor knowing you will say no up until the very second they knock on the door of your apartment. Girlfriends sit there and listen while you cry to them in the middle of Starbucks for no other reason than because you are physically and emotionally drained and can't hold it in anymore. Girlfriends travel through state parks to look for dinosaur foot prints with an Iphone flashlight just to create a new fun adventure for you to laugh about later.

Girlfriends are amazing. You should get some!