Empty love tank

Shortly before I left, I had a conversation with a guy about long distance relationships. He told me how much he desires to hold hands and be affectionate with the person he is dating and stressed how much he needs those things. I was frustrated with him because I thought of the countless relationships that are successful no matter the distance. I thought about my friends and family who are military spouses and how difficult it is every time they have to say goodbye to their loved ones and I thought, "Stupid boy!" In my head I told myself no amount of distance would change how I felt about someone. I knew his love language was quality time and I knew that no amount of Skype dates would ever be the same as sitting next to each other on the couch watching a movie. But I still wanted to try to make it work. I didn't realize at the time how important those things actually are. 

If you've heard of the book The 5 love languages, you know your love language, maybe the love language of your closest friends and family members, and you know what it means to have an empty love tank. Well, my love tank has been running on low lately. My two highest ranking love languages go hand in hand, physical touch and quality time. Back in the states I had standing monthly dates with most of my girlfriends. I alternated weekdays and weekends, re-arranged tennis matches and scheduled in advance to ensure we got time together. I needed to see them and spend time with them. We could talk on the phone or message via facebook but it wasn't the same as having genuine quality time with them. I needed the laughter and the facial expressions and I needed the "see you later" hug. Yup, I'm a huger. If you are not comfortable with your personal space being invaded, please notify me in advance because I WILL try to hug you :) 

I've been missing my friends and family a lot lately and as the two month mark of being in Korea approaches, I am reminded of how many of my monthly dates I won't be getting and it makes me sad. Fortunately, the little kindergarten boogers and their affectionate ways have kept me distracted thus far, but this past week one of my love bugs was gone on vacation. His name is Tim, we call him Tiny Tim and every morning he runs up to me, grabs my leg to wrap his tiny arms around me and tells me "I love you Brandy Teacher." Oh how I look forward to Tim's hugs each morning. I didn't realize how much they mattered until I didn't get them for a week. This morning Tim returned from his vacation and as he ran up to hug me I didn't want to let him go. He is a very affectionate child and all morning long he more than made up for the days he was gone. He sat in my lap, climbed on top of my head, rubbed my back and held onto my arms as I taught the lesson and I just ate it up! He gave me more than enough love to fill my love tank up and helped me get through the sad moments of missing my friends and family. 

No, I'm not Russian and NO, I'm not a prostitute!

A couple weeks ago, I was walking through Time World, an area of Dunsan-dong filled with high class name brands such as Louise Vuitton and Gucci and the very frequented, and oh so popular Korean dance clubs. As I roamed through Time World looking for a store where I could buy pants that could actually be worn as pants and not capri's, I was approached by two Korean women. They started speaking a language other than Korean or English and when they saw the puzzled look on my face, one of them quickly said "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were Russian." 

This is not the only time someone in Korea has assumed I was Russian. I found it very puzzling and quite bizarre, until I spoke to another foreigner who provided an explanation. Assumingly, she said "You know what that means don't you?" So far, I've just assumed it was the reddish brown hair I've been sporting until she informed me "Are you Russian" is code for "Are you a prostitute?" Seriously? Am I a prostitute?? Can I just say, I am very glad I am not Russian and I have genuinely been able to say no to both questions. I feel so bad for the poor Russian girl that visits Korea and doesn't understand that she is admitting she is a prostitute by simply answering "Yes, I am Russian." So please, please, warn your Russian friends before the visit Korea! 

When you think of a prostitute, many of you may think of the grown woman who is choosing that lifestyle to pay for an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Some of you will think of the women who are in abusive relationships, being forced to do such things, only to come home to a beating for not making enough money for the day. Others will think of the children who were manipulated by sick, perverted, adults and forced to do things at a young age and don't know any other way to live than the way they were taught. But I want you to know there is another group of woman who become prostitutes here in Korea. They are known as the "undesirables." 

When I use the word undesirable, I am not referring to their outward appearance or character being unattractive in any way. I am referring to the stigma attached to being less than perfect, and therefore unmarriable by Korean standards. **Disclaimer, please know, I am coming from a place of ignorance and naivety and I only write to you what I have learned so far. 

There are certain things that are not spoken of in Korea. In the process of applying to come here, I had to take a mini questionnaire asking about my history with drugs and alcohol, illness, mental illness, marital status, ect,. I answered all the questions honestly and was told by my recruiter to never mention to anyone that I have struggled with depression. I wasn't comfortable lying, so I was concerned with how it would all play out and fortunately for me, it never came up. Just as I was told not to mention depression, a woman who comes from a family who's parents have been divorced is instructed never to mention it, or to lie about it. If a man knows she comes from a family where her parents are no longer married, she is suddenly marked not worthy to marry. The same rule applies for any woman who was raised without parents or in an orphanage. These girls have no control over the decisions their parents will make or the circumstances that will lead them to living in an environment where they are left without a family but they are solely responsible for such things when it comes to their future.  

This past Saturday, I visited a local orphanage for the first time. I was so eager to visit and as we sat and talked in broken English with the children, I learned their age, name, where they are from and their favorite food. One of the girls I met, introduced herself as Julia and said she was 18, which is her Korean age so she is actually 17. As she told me her age, her adult life flashed before my eyes and I thought about the unknown future that lies before her. Every part of me hopes that what I have heard is just a myth and that Julia and her big beautiful smile and spirit that shines so bright won't be one of the woman who sells herself just to get any attention or affection from a man because this culture says she is not worthy to have it on her own. I pray that Julia will have the opportunity to marry and have children of her own if she so desires. It breaks my heart to know that this precious child, who has already been denied a family once, will be denied the opportunity again to have her own family. It's just not fair!

My first Korean Massage - Exposed and Violated

This blog has moved. To read about my Korea massage experience, visit the link below.

http://www.brandycoty.com/my-first-korean-massage-exposed-and-violated/

Who you gonna call?

Can I brag to you for a second about one of my friends? I have a lot of super amazing friends who are always there for me, encourage me and lift me up in the hard times and friends who love the Lord deeply. But this friend, has all of those things paired with a maturity in her faith unlike anyone else I know. I love the wisdom and insight she brings when I talk to her. Last week, I reached out to Jackie for help. She went through something very similar to the situation I've found myself in and unable to get myself out of. It's much easier to talk to someone who understands what I am going through, so I tend to bother her a lot :) She didn't respond right away, I got a message from her a couple days later explaining she was at a conference and she asked "Did you and Jesus figure it out?" Frankly, I was a little annoyed for about 30 seconds at her question but the Lord changed my heart and convicted me. 

I don't know if Jackie intentionally waited to answer me hoping that I would seek the Lord first before she offered her insight, or if she was just busy and asked that question to check and see if I was feeling better. But either way, God used it to teach me a lesson. Ever since I arrived in Korea, I've been dealing with new emotions I haven't felt before. The Lord is absolutely increasing my dependence on Him but this past Sunday He reminded me of the consequences when we don't seek Him first. 

We studied the passage from 2 Kings chapter 1 where God judges Ahaziah. In verse 2, Ahaziah falls and injures himself. He sends a messenger to ask Baal-Zebub (which I learned means Lord of the flies) if he would recover from his injury. Then, an angel of the Lord appears to Elijah and tells him to relay the following message to the messenger, "Is it because there is no God in Israel that you are going to inquire of Baal-Zebub, the god of Ekron?" The words the angel gave Elijah were so powerful. Just as Jackie asked "Did you and Jesus figure it out?" God was saying "I'm right here to help you!"

It made me think about how many times in moments of varying emotions, I've reached for my phone to call or text a friend. Prayer and crying out to the Lord are always part of the equation but sometimes, I cry out to the Lord in prayer after I've called one of my girlfriend to cry or vent to them. Chapter one ends with Ahaziah's death, not just because of this incident but because of his continued disobedience to God. Granted, you probably won't die immediately after calling a friend instead of calling on God but He will be hurt and disappointed. And I don't know about you but death for me doesn't sound as bad as knowing I have disappointed my Heavenly father.  

As you read this, I want you to know that I've prayed for the readers of this blog. I've prayed that the Lord will open your eyes to a growing dependence on Him, that He will change your heart to always cry out to Him first. He knows what you are going through before it happens and I believe He puts us in these situations because He desires a connection with us and wants us to depend on him and deepen our relationship with Him.

The "perfect church"

In the month of December Facebook asked us to click and let them show us a recap of 2012. If you were curious enough to indulge in seeing the summary of the last year of your life, you saw pictures of you and your friends, major events and it even told you the number of friends you added in the last year. I know this because curiosity got the best of me and I clicked on. I saw lots of pictures that made me laugh and Facebook informed me I added 148 new friends in 2012. That number blew me away. A handful of those 148 people were new friends I met on a camping trip and friends I met at work but I'm pretty sure at least 100 of them were new friends I met through church. When you attend a mega church, you meat a lot of people. In fact, Fox and I have 113 mutual Watermark Facebook friends in common. I don't tell you that to brag, trust me, quality friendships are much more important to me than the number of Facebook friends I have. I tell you that to put in perspective the difference between the church I attended in Dallas, and the church I am attending here in Korea. 

I mentioned before that I attended a church the first week I got here. The church was great, the people were great, the worship was wonderful but something just didn't feel right. JP talked a couple weeks before I left about all the complaints people have shared about Watermark and he said something that stuck with me. He talked about people leaving to search for the "perfect church" and people who stayed and changed what was wrong. I was convicted by those words because I used to be one of those people who hopped around until I found a church that worked for me. With JP's words in the back of my mind I knew I didn't want to hop around looking for the perfect church, I just wanted to find a church who loved Jesus, taught from the bible and was plugged in with the community. The week after visiting that church a woman from another church who was in California at the time, reached out to people and asked them to welcome me. I got 2 e-mails from women here in Daejeon who were so sweet and really made me feel welcome, so I decided I should at least visit the church. When I arrived, there were 3 people in the room, the pastor and two others. The pastor introduced himself and the other 2 were so wonderfully nice and it was obvious how much they loved the Lord. Last weekend I had the privilege of meeting the woman who was in California who encouraged me to visit this church. She is a wonderful woman in her early 50's who is an absolute joy to be around. She treated me to dinner and then we went out for coffee and desert afterward and I was lost in conversation with her for hours. We exchanged stories about what God is doing in each of our lives and she gave me the most wonderful compliment I have ever heard that brought me to tears at the Korean BBQ restaurant. 

Lindsey, Gen and I

 The church has a total of 20 to 30 people that attend the morning service which is taught in English and translated to Korean and about 6 people who attend the English service in the afternoon. Far different than the thousands of people I am used to seeing every week at Watermark. In the morning service the pastor teaches on a short passage from one of the books of the bible and stops to ask the church body questions. It is very engaging and I am eager to go each week. The afternoon portion is a bible study set up, where he goes over 2 to 3 chapters of the bible each Sunday, breaking it down verse by verse. Don't get me wrong, I love Watermark and it was absolutely everything I needed at the stage of life I was in before I came to Korea but I am amazed at how much I have learned an grown in the 3 short weeks I have attended this church. 

Pastor Mike and the girls at his and
Lindsey's birthday dinner.

I am so far out of my comfort zone, but I am more engaged in digging into the word and learning than I have ever been in my life. I am so excited about the things I am learning and the knowledge of the word I am gaining and this tiny church with 6 to 30 people is definitely the "perfect church" for where God has me right now. 

Let me sing, Ajumma!

This morning I woke up ready to experience Saturday morning bible study at the church I've been attending. Due to unpredictable public transportation, I was running late and as I got off the bus I literally ran to the church (I HATE being late!!). I made it there at 10:36, 6 minutes past the scheduled start time and the doors were locked. I slid my way through the iced over walkway and went around the building to the back side to find those doors were locked as well. The church is on the 2nd floor and although I cannot see in the windows it didn't appear as if anyone inside. Having no cell phone, my only form of communication right now is the internet. So, I walked until I found a coffee shop connected to wifi and found the bible study had been cancelled. 

It's not Rodeo Drive but Rodeo
Street is close enough right?

I could have gotten on the bus to go back home but instead, I chose to explore! I walked up and down Rodeo street and took pictures of the interesting things I saw. Witnessed a man beating his fist at a video game outside of an arcade that was closed, found new places I definitely want to try and almost got lost in the process. P.S. I totally tried to get a video of the crazy man for you but I wasn't fast enough. 

I don't know what this place is but I
definitely want to check it out yo!

On the bus ride to the church I saw something that appeared to be a river or stream covered in snow, it was beautiful. After grabbing coffee and roaming, I decided to walk until I found the snow covered stream. I spotted it but unable to cross the street and with no intersection in sight, I walked and walked until I found steep stairs leading underneath a bridge and into a busy intersection. The stairs were covered in snow, that was on top of ice and I was really scared to go down them. There was no rail and I still have some PTSD from my hiking accident, so instead of walking down the stairs I sat down and scooted my bum down each stair until I reached the bottom. As I went down the ice and snow covered stairs and back up the other side I was taken aback by all of the glorious beauty surrounding me.

In awe of what I was seeing the following words popped into my head "I love you Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship you, Oh my soul rejoice. Take joy my King, in what you hear, may it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear." I smiled as the words came to mind and as I walked, I just began to sing and I continued to sing the same words over and over again. 

I felt the eyes of men and women staring me down as I walked and I'm not sure if it was the usual stare I get as an foreigner roaming the streets of Korea, the singing, or the fact that I am completely tone deaf and always sing off key but I didn't care. As I continued to walk and sing the Lord reminded me of something I read in the intro to Jesus Calling. The author talks about sitting in the presence of the Lord and says "As I waited in His presence, God began to reveal Himself to me. An hour or two alone with Him seemed too brief." I was convicted by those words as I read them and asked the Lord to stir in me a desire for intimacy so great that I never want to leave His presence. Having nothing else on the agenda for the day I decided to do exactly that, sit in the presence of the Lord. 

The Gazebo where I sat to sing.

The art on the inside of the Gazebo.

I found what resembled a gazebo and sat inside singing and praying to the Lord. As I sat, the Lord revealed to me things to pray for and songs that created beautiful intimacy with Him. I didn't want to get up and go home but as time flew by and it got colder I decided to end before a group of ajumma's came up and started yelling at me. I may have missed bible study, but my day turned out to be far better than I could have ever hoped for.

The kindness of a stranger

The week of Christmas, I was informed I would be getting a short "winter break." I worked December 28th but would not have to return to work until January 4th. Had I known sooner, I would have hoped on a plane and spent the week in Japan but that wasn't really an option for me on such short notice. So, trying to decide what I would do with my break I posted on a Facebook page here all the foreigners use, called Daejeon Peeps. My post was simple and explained I had some time off work and I asked if anyone had any ideas for things I could do close to Daejeon. I got several responses, telling me to visit a local department store, go climb one of the rock walls, hiking, ect. But I got two responses that changed my winter break. 

The first from a girl who offered to show me good places to eat if I took the advice of another and visited the local department store. I had already visited the department store and found the wonderful Uniqlo that carries the heattech leggings I told you about, but I wasn't going to pass the opportunity to eat yummy food and have great conversation with a potential new friend. So, Lara and I arranged a time to have lunch and I met her and her friend Rachel outside the Lotte Department store. We walked through the department store to a little restaurant on the other side. They learned there were several things I hadn't tried so they ordered an array of new foods for me to experience. We chatted and I learned that Lara is from Canada and Rachel is from the UK. I had a great lunch and they helped me understand the importance of taking advantage of every opportunity given to me. These girls started my New Year's Eve off with smiles and laughter that proved to be a theme for the remainder of the night. 

I received another response on the news feed, from a girl who attended the church I visited when I first arrived in Korea. I ended up finding another church home and I never officially met Megan when I visited the church but we exchanged a few Facebook e-mails and in her comment she suggested I go to Seoul for New Year's Eve. I thought it was merely a suggestion, so I told her it was a good idea but there was no way I was braving Seoul alone on New Year's Eve. Megan quickly responded telling me she was going with some friends and I was more than welcome to join her. I was excited to finally get the opportunity to meet Megan, and let's face it, the idea of spending New Year's Eve with other believers was much more enticing than standing outside near City Hall in Daejeon alone. So, we got on the train to Seoul, braved the madness of the crowded subway, which in my best attempt to explain to you would still not help you understand what I experienced that night, but I'll try. Imagine a hurd of 1 million cows trying to fit into a pin that will only fit 500,000. As people shoved their way onto the subway, I heard noises that resemble what you would hear from barn yard animals. At one point the subway doors bounced back open unable to close because the people trying to get on couldn't fit. On my first night of meeting Megan we experienced new levels of friendship intimacy I have yet to experience with my closest friends thanks to the Seoul Subway :) We counted down the New Year's with new friends, ate Taco Bell (which everyone in the group was way excited about) and I experienced Noraebang for the first time. I watched the others in the group sing their hearts out at Karaoke, I rapped along with them to Ms. Jackson and This is How we do it. It was a wonderful night full of adventure and I met some amazing people who love the Lord and it was a joy to be around them. 

Be a Boaz, not a Bozo!

I know the title of this blog might be a little harsh but it caught your attention right? I'm glad you are reading this. Recently, I blogged about what the Lord has been revealing to me through the book of Ruth. As, I've read Ruth again, the Lord is reminding me of her faith and I've been so encouraged by it. But He's also reminding me of the type of man I deserve to be with. In the book of Ruth Boaz refer's to Ruth as a woman of noble character or excellence (in some translations). But as I've re-read this book, God has continuously reminded me that Boaz too was a man of excellence. He was a man who acted with selflessness, put the well being of others first, he was mature and thought things through, he guarded the hearts of others and he showed compassion and kindness in everything he did. 

Sometime last year, I read a book called A Man Worth Waiting For (plug to this book, read it if you haven't). In the book, the author describes the type of men the Lord desires for us to be with as Boaz' and men who are here to distract us as Bozo's. I'm sure there is a female equivalent for the men reading this blog. Ladies, as I've been reading Ruth again, God has made it blatantly obvious how a man should treat a woman and I hope this blog helps encourage you to stand up for what you deserve and stop letting the Bozo's walk all over your heart. If you haven't done so lately, I would encourage you to go back and read Ruth. It's 4 short chapters so don't rush through it, really let it sink in and you will see what I'm talking about. 

Here are some of the character traits Boaz has. Ladies, be on the lookout for these and to the men reading this blog, I hope if you aren't already doing these things you will be encouraged to start.

- Boaz provides for Ruth. 2:8 Boaz gives Ruth a place to glean and get food for her and and Naomi and tells her she may drink from the water the men have filled any time she is thirsty. 
- Boaz protects Ruth 2:8 Not only does he tell the men in the fields to stay away from her, but he tells her to stay close to the servants to ensure her safety.
- Boaz extends kindness and hospitality 2:14 Finding her gleaning in his fields, he invites Ruth to dine with him. Ruth stays to eat and the word tells us she ate all she wanted and still had some left over. 
- Boaz is concerned with Ruth's emotional wellbeing 2:15 Boaz orders his men not to embarrass her if they see her gleaning after dinner.
- Boaz gives to those in need 2:16, even after Ruth eats, he tells his men to pull some stalks for her to pick up and take him.
- Boaz does the right thing 3:12 After Ruth proposes marriage he tells her there is a kinsman nearer than he and encourages her to go to him first.  
- Boaz protects her reputation 3:14 After Ruth comes to lay at his feet at night, he knows it would not be good for anyone to see her so he covers her and tells her to get up in the morning before anyone recognizes her. 

And finally in verse 18 Naomi tells Ruth with confidence to WAIT, "For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today." A man of excellence will not let things linger, he will not let the well being of others left lingering and confused. He takes initiative and does the right thing, even at the expense of his own well being. Boaz was impressed with Ruth from the beginning, he heard about her faith from others and was enlightened when he met her and I'm sure he wanted to marry her but there were things that needed to be dealt with first. So, he dealt with those things but he also communicated that to her. I love the example he sets. I've been encouraged recently by someone who has been a pleasant surprise and I know there are more men out there who are men of excellence so don't settle for the Bozo's, wait for the man who will gladly and so naturally do the things listed above!