When Flirting Becomes A Danger Zone

Guilty! That's how I've been feeling lately after a recent outing with some of my friends. You see, after not seeing many of them for such a long time, I wasn't quite sure how I would adjust to being back. Would we pick up where we left off? Would things be awkward? Would we be starting all over again? When you've been gone for so long, it's easy to question where you stand in people's lives. After all, I hadn't been a part of many of their lives for the last 12 months. 

 

Those questions didn't even cross my mind when I saw my friends, it was as if nothing changed. We joked, we laughed, and things felt natural. Among the jokes and the laughter was lots of fun banter. I'm the kind of person who loves to banter. I blame my dad for his witty and often misunderstood sarcasm. I love to meet someone who can appreciate my humor and match my banter. It's a unique trait to find. Especially when sensitive emotions tend to cause hurt feelings by something you intended to be a funny joke. But because of this unique kind of banter, I have to be careful not to cross the line between fun banter and flirtatious encounter.

It's really easy to get caught up in treating members of the opposite sex as potential suitors, but we are instructed to treat them as brother's and sister's in Christ.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 tells us to treat others as fathers, brothers, mothers and sisters, WITH ALL PURITY.  Not only are we instructed to treat them the way we would treat family but Paul puts an emphasis on making sure we understand that means to treat them with purity.

We need to be careful not to treat our brother's and sister's in Christ as potential suitors but be reminded that they are someone else's future husband/wife and we need to respect that.

 

Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves as singles before flirting;

1. Am I in a place where I am available to date.

While chatting about a member of the opposite sex, a girlfriend of mine asked "Is he in a season of dating or singleness?" Before attending my current church, I had never heard this term before. If you are not married, aren't you always in a season of dating? Well, the answer to that is no. If you are healing or in recovery, you probably shouldn't be dating while you are going through that. If you have a dependence on something other than the Lord, you probably need to surrender that addiction before you enter in to a relationship. It's not fair for others to take on baggage you haven't even attempted to work through yet. So, if you know in your mind you are not open to being in a relationship, please consider that before flirting with the opposite sex.

2. Have I learned enough about this person to know I want to know more?

Physical attraction is great and it definitely creates "chemistry" between two people but that isn't enough. While banter and flirtatious behavior can give you an indicator the other person is also interested, it's important to learn a little more about them before moving forward. Keep in mind when you flirt with someone, it says "I am interested in you."
 3. Are my actions unique to this person or do I act this way with everyone?

I can't express enough how much of a turn off it is to see someone openly flirt with multiple people. If you are the type of person who is very affectionate or very friendly with everyone, it may be time to evaluate your actions. It may be the very thing that is keeping you single. When you do find someone you are interested in, your reputation will precede your interest and that person may not feel uniquely special if they know this is how you act with everyone.

4. What message do I want others to see?

There have been several times I have seen interactions between two people of the opposite sex and thought they were dating or thought they were interested in each other and it never goes anywhere. We need to be aware that when we flirt with someone, other people see that. We need to think about what message we are sending to others. By flirting, you are saying you are interested in this person so when others of the opposite sex see you acting that way, they assume your emotions are consumed by someone else. When people of the same sex see you flirting, they think that person is off limits because of the way the two of you are interacting with each other. It's not fair to either of you if the flirting isn't leading anywhere.