Rule #1 No one is allowed to die!

Today, I had a case of the Mondays. I woke up in a good mood but my precious Kindergartners were not so precious. They instantly pushed my buttons and my patience started to wear thin with all the extra whining, nose picking, and refusal to listen to instructions. With each class, the students continued to have a complete disregard for me, it's as if I wasn't even there. I went home on my lunch break and watched a Watermark Podcast and started to feel better. Listening to messages about being Christ like will always make you check your attitude. So, I went back to school hoping for a better afternoon but I quickly realized that wouldn't be the case.

Shortly after lunch, I was handed a stack of "pre-writing" assignments to be corrected. They were from my favorite class. I love these kids. Their imaginations run wild and they are so creative and very smart. We have so much fun in class and they are always up for a challenge. This is also the class who is given a special rule whenever we have a writing exercise, Rule #1... No one is allowed to die! For some reason these children are OBSESSED with people dying. My Korean co-teacher does not have this rule for her class so she gave them an assignment to write about an adventure with their pet dog. Story after story, I read about how the dog died, or the dog was beaten, or how the dog bit someone and then he went to hell and then I read a story that had the following words; "Then, I saw the dead dog in the street and I was angry at the dog so I beat the dead dog." 

Disgust suddenly came over me as I imagined all the students in the class laughing at this story and thinking it was funny. I talked to my Korean co-teacher and explained to her I do not allow the children to write about death or any kind of violence in my classroom and I hoped she would incorporate the same rule for her class. She explained this is just how the children are and they think these things are funny. I went on to tell her I did not think it was acceptable for a student to write about how they violently attacked an already dead dog lying on the road and it definitely wasn't funny.  

My frustration and disgust continued to build as I thought about all the other things that are just dealt with and brushed under the rug in this country. They are not okay and I'm sick of watching as people stand by and pretend it isn't a problem. 

It is not okay for children to write stories about beating dead animals.

It is not okay for my students to learn what an adjective is and immediately raise their hand to use the words angry, mean, and bad to describe their fathers. 

It is not okay that when I reach in front of a student to grab something they flinch because they are terrified they will be hit. 

It is not okay that there are 6 shelters for battered women and children in the city I live in. 

It is not okay that I have an 11 year old child going bald because of the stress his family puts on him. 

It is not okay that the suicide is the leading cause of death for those under 40 in this country. 

It is not okay that Koreans have surgery to shave their jaw, add a double eye lid or whiten their skin just to feel beautiful. 

It is not okay that I have to use my body as a shield to block one student from getting punched in the face by another while my Korean co-teacher tells me "It's okay, they were just playing." 

I could go on but I think you get my point. There is no way we are going to change the morals and values of this country over night but we can change the attitudes and hearts of the children who are the future of this country. If they know it is unacceptable, they won't laugh it off or pretend it isn't a problem. For those reading that are fellow teachers in Korea, I hope you will have the same attitude of disgust and refusal to accept things that are not okay. For my friends in family who are not in Korea with me. will you please join me in praying for change in this country. There is so much to be done here and I believe God will hear our cries for help and change the future of this country.

How long will you be in Korea?

How long will you be in Korea? That is a question I got asked countless times as I was preparing to leave for Korea and a question I have been asked over and over again since I've been here. To save you all the trouble of continuing to ask, here is my answer... I don't know! 

As I prepared to embark upon this chapter of my life, I knew one thing to be true. In order to truly have faith in where the Lord was taking me and what He planned on doing in my life I had to COMPLETELY surrender. Not 85%, not 99.9%, but 100%. So, I sold EVERYTHING. I sold my car, I sold all of my furniture, I cancelled my cell phone contract indefinitely and I came to Korea knowing I could be here for 1 year or I could be here, or somewhere else for the next several years. 

Shortly after I arrived in Korea, I sat down with the director of my school to review my contract. The school year in Korea starts and ends in February so he asked if I would extend my contract for 2 more months in order to finish out the school year. I thought to myself, "Two months, isn't that big of a difference," but I didn't sign right then. I told him I wanted to talk to my family first and let them know what I was doing before I committed. Well, I wasn't able to talk to my family that weekend so when Monday came around, I signed the contract extending until February. 

The next day, I felt completely overwhelmed by anxiety and worry knowing I would soon have to tell everyone I would not be coming home in December. I thought about how I would miss another Christmas with my family and how much it hurt not being with them this year. So, I requested a meeting with my director and told him I was sorry but I would not be able to stay until February. He completely understood and we resigned the contract with the original date. 

Lately, I have been feeling completely overwhelmed and burdened thinking about everyone else's expectations. I am so grateful to be loved and cared for by so many, and because I know you love me, I need to tell you something. What happens in Korea, however long God wants to use me in the mission field is between me and Him. I will give you answers when I receive peace and know what the next step is, but until then, please stop asking me if I will be staying or coming home. Please understand that my heart right now is telling me to come home in December but it is very possible the Lord will change my heart. I can't be sure of anything at this point. Please understand that I need you to be supportive and encouraging because the thought of being away from my friends and family even longer is not an easy thing for me to grasp. I need you building me up and encourage me and I need to stop living in a place of worry and stress. So, until further notice, I don't want to talk about it :) 

Cuan grande es Dios

Before you read this blog I hope you will click on the 

link above and watch the video I've attached. 

Recently, I was encouraged to meditate on how amazing our God is. For those that have a relationship with the Lord, things like feeling the Holy Spirit speaking to you or a beautiful sunset remind you of God and hopefully bring you into moments of praise and thankfulness. We are continually reminded of our God throughout the day and we know how good God is, but sometimes we think about it but we don't truly stop and meditate on His greatness.  

As I was listening to worship music via youtube, I stumbled across Chris Tomlin's How Great is Our God (world edition). As I watched and listened to people from all over the world singing about our God in their native languages, I found myself covered in chills and crying the "ugly cry" as I shouted out to God of His greatness. I shouted at the top of my lungs as if I couldn't scream loud enough. I don't know if my neighbors heard the shouting but in that moment I was grateful for a corner apartment on the top floor of my building so fewer people are annoyed by the loud shouting that frequently comes from my apartment. 

In his book Crazy Love, Francis Chan reminds us that God "...cannot be contained in this world, explained by our vocabulary or grasped by our understanding." God is far bigger than any little box we try to put Him in and Revelation 4 and Isaiah 6 help paint a beautiful picture of just how amazing our God is. In Revelation 4 John writes about the glimpse of heaven he saw. He tells us that "A rainbow, resembling an emerald, encircled the throne." He speaks about 24 elders who "fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever." They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." John speaks about the 4 living creatures he sees who "were covered with eyes, in front and in back." He tells us that DAY and NIGHT, they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." 

Can you imagine coming into contact with such a creature? Some of us would run, others would stop to take pictures and many of us would be confused about how such a creature exists. But isn't it wonderful to think about how intricate God is in everything He designs? I love that the bible tells us that DAY and NIGHT, these creatures never stop singing praises to the Lord. The Lord is so amazingly wonderful and absolutely deserves for us to sing praises to him all day long but sometimes all He gets from us is a short quiet time as we roll out of bed and rush to get ready for work. He deserves for us to sit in awe of his presence. He deserves for us to shout of his goodness at the top of our lungs all day and all night, and He deserves for us to stop being so busy that He gets the leftover time in our day.

P.S. As I'm teaching myself Spanish, I've decided music is a great way to learn and I have officially learned how to sing this song in Spanish, woo hoo!!!! 

All things GRAND!

Up, down, up, down, down, down, down, up. That pretty much sums up my emotions so far in Korea. I was filled with excitement and eagerness when I first arrived, then I got sick and didn't have much energy to do anything. I mustered up the strength and found another high, only to get sick again followed by an extreme depression and then recently crawled my way out of the funk. 

Defeated is the best word I can choose to explain to you how I've felt. When I started on this journey I had the words "Consume me for your fire and use me for your hearts desire, to spread your word to every tribe and nation" resounding in my head. My heart was full and eager. I was ready to soar wherever the Lord wanted to take me. I've heard countless stories from friends and family who have been on mission and I guess I expected to feel as though He was using me right away. 

I had expectations of how I thought the Lord was going to use me in Korea. I thought I knew where He wanted me and who He wanted me in contact with. I've always had a passion for serving and my passion for working with victim's of human and sex trafficking has continued to grow. Sex trafficking is a growing problem around the world but it is especially prevalent in Asian countries and I was certain that is where the Lord wanted to use me. I was anxious to get plugged in and sent e-mail after e-mail inquiring about how to get involved, and with each dead end I felt more and more defeated. Unable to speak Korean, I can't exactly roam the streets sharing the gospel with people. It's been quite challenging and honestly, I've been feeling as though I have wasted so much time already. I have been completely confused and searching for purpose but the Lord has helped me realize I am not entitled to understanding how He will use me or what He will do while I am here. 

This past Sunday we continued digging into the book of 2 Kings. As we read, the Lord reminded me of the phrase "With high expectations comes great disappointment." Just as I had expectations of how the Lord would use me, Naaman had expectations of how he would be healed of his leprosy. Elisha sends a messenger who tells him to "Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh shall be restored to you, and you shall be clean." Naaman's response to the message was anger and frustration and he says "Indeed, I said to myself, He will surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God and wave his hand over the place and heal the leprosy." 

You see, Naaman had an idea of what he thought was going to happen when he went to see Elisha. His expectations were high and when they weren't met, he became angry. Naaman wanted some big grand gesture to show that he was indeed healed. What Elisha's messenger told him to do was not the big grand gesture Naaman had expected so he was disappointed. In verse 13, Naaman's servants say to him "My father, if the prophet had told you to do something great, would you not have done it? How much more then when he says to you, wash, and be clean?" Translation - You stupid man, what he is asking you to do is so simple, why are you making things so complicated. I confess to you I have been expecting the big and grand gesture. I've expected the Lord would use me in huge ways and I've expected to be able to see how He is moving. 

As I read these words it was as if the Lord was tapping on my shoulder saying "Hey Brandy (tap, tap, tap), did you hear that?" I am never promised to know what God will do. I am never promised to be able to see the results of the work He is doing, I am simply asked to serve. I may not work with a single victim of human trafficking while I'm here, I may never get to witness the affects of the seeds I plant but if the only thing I do while I am in Korea is love on others and speak truth into their lives, the Lord is absolutely still using me to do His work.