How do you know if you are doing God's will?

Yesterday after a night of brokenness I asked a guy at work if he had any resources on discerning God's will from Satan's distractions. Matt didn't really have a clear answer for me but what he did say was so profound and it really resonated with me. He said "I don't know much but I do know this; we are created to be made in the likeness of Christ and we are created to do good works. So, if you are striving to become more like Christ and doing good works, then I believe you are within God's will." I thought to myself "That's it?, Really?" In his short response he seemed so confident. I was expecting him to say more, surely it had to be more complicated than that.

In my head, I always try to piece things together. Everything has to have a purpose and a place and if it doesn't fit I usually discard it, and sometimes I find a place for it. I realized through my conversations with Matt and another friend and some sermons I listened to yesterday that I have been finding a place for a lot of things lately and trying to make them fit. In one of the messages I was listening to yesterday, JP said "Our desperate desire to know God's will replaces our faith." Ouch, how true is that. I think so often we want answers, we want clarity, we want to know what is going to happen next and God never promises us we will know, he just asks us to trust Him. JP's message also reminded me that in all we do we are to love God and love people. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, whoever we are serving, God wants us there. He wants us loving on them, He wants us showing them compassion, mercy, kindness and gentleness, and He wants us to show them WHO HE IS!

In Matthew 28:19 we are told to "...go and make disciples of all nations..." there are two verbs in that sentence, "go" and "make." Up to this point I've gotten caught up on the "go" part but I realized "make" is the active verb here, that is what we are called to do. Wherever we go, wherever we are, we are to disciple others and grow God's kingdom. God gives us the ability to make choices and decisions about where we will serve Him and how we will serve Him but the bottom line is we should always be extending ourselves. With some new information, I am currently reassessing things and I realize now the choice is mine (:F). My eyes have been opened to new things lately and I just love how God continues to reveal himself. I will never get sick of learning and growing.

When girls choose boys over God...

I moved to DFW a couple weeks after I turned 18. Eager to embrace the big city and start what I thought was going to be a modeling career. Kim Dawson Modeling Agency had shown an interest in me and I was moving to DFW to explore the modeling world. And then I met a boy... My 1st boyfriend, a boyfriend who didn't think his girlfriend should be in magazines and on TV for other guys to see. Modeling for me would have been as PG as it could get but he had some insecurities and didn't want me to do it. So... in love, and with googly eyes I told him I wouldn't do it.

My relationship with the dreaded ex was 2 years of making decisions I knew did not honor God. God was running to me with arms wide open trying to embrace me and I was pushing him away. I was a wreck because I could feel God longing to have me back but I continued to fight it. I made choices during that relationship God used to help me get to where I am today but there is no doubt in my mind that had I been obedient, He still could have taught me those lessons in a different way.

Unfortunately, I still didn't learn after that last relationship. Singleness has always been an area I have tried to hold onto. Despite learning time after time that my way is anything but the right way I still wanted control. About a year and a half ago JP was talking a lot about "embracing" our singleness and making the most of it. I took the challenge to commit to using my singleness to prepare my heart for my husband. I prayed that the Lord would reveal to me things that were keeping me single, keeping me from being ready for the man I knew was prayerfully waiting for me. Well, God answered that prayer, oh did He answer that prayer. He revealed things to me I didn't realize I needed to let go of, He revealed to me things in my heart that were hindering me from growing in a more intimate relationship with Him and would ultimately keep me from growing with my partner when I got to that place. I have searched my heart, prayed, and dug into the word in an attempt to prepare my heart and I have realized I am still not ready.

At 28 the Lord has brought a man in my life who's passion and love for the Lord is so encouraging. He digs into the word and speaks scripture to others. He has a heart of service, surrounds himself with godly men who lift him up because he knows how important that is, and he strives to grow in his walk. He loves his family and I know he will be an amazing husband and a wonderful father to the children he will have. He's definitely not perfect, but his imperfections make his character uniquely intriguing. My friendship with him has made me realize that even when an amazing man of God walks into your life God's timing and God's plan trump everything else. As God was stirring my heart for Korea, Satan was stirring my selfish desires and I'm embarrassed to admit I did it again, I postponed applying to the job in Korea because I was selfish and wanted to see if my friendship with him could be taken to the next level.

Please hear me when I say doing things our own way only takes us on a detour and wastes time. God's plan is far greater than anything we could ever imagine. It's so easy to be stubborn and selfish but when we do things our way it leaves us roaming around hitting the same walls never getting any closer to what we are trying to accomplish. Choosing self, or boys in my case has only postponed God's plan for me. It has left me not getting any closer to things I know God wants to do with me. I am so completely ready to fall into His arms and let him drop me where He wants me next. I don't know who God has out there waiting for me, but I do know I want to continue to prepare my heart for him and strive to be the woman he deserves. I'm done taking detours, I'm done circling the mountain. I'm sure he's sick of waiting on me to figure things out :)

"I get along better with the guys... I don't make girlfriends easy."

I was the really tall awkward skinny girl you grew up with. I didn't get "pretty" until I got to high school and boys didn't like me before my high school days because I was "one of the guys." I was super athletic, played basketball, tennis and track in junior high and soccer and tennis in high school. I was always wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress and absolutely DESPISED pink. To this day I own 1 coral dress and one pink Johnny Cash t-shirt (only because they didn't have any other color.) Ruffles, hair bows and knee high socks made me want to vomit and my hair was always in a pony tail. Needless to say, I didn't really have many "girlfriends." Actually, girls kind of annoyed me. I couldn't relate to them, I didn't enjoy chatting about boys because I didn't have boys to chat about, I didn't want them putting make up on me or fixing my hair and heaven forbid if the words "dress up" were involved. I could fake it pretty good when I needed to but I usually tried to avoid situations where I had to fake it. So, in order to justify my distaste for females I used the excuse most tomboy girls use which was "I get along better with guys." It was partly the truth because I did relate more to masculine things, but the real truth was I didn't really want to try to get along with the girls.

Throughout college I had 2 girls I leaned on for everything. Muah, love you both! But that was it, they were my "best friends" and I wasn't trying to find any new ones to add to the list. When I moved back to Dallas after a really bad breakup I knew I need to break away from the "I get along better with guys" excuse and try to make some girlfriends. So I searched for girlfriends and met some through a christian meetup group. You can read my beautifully talented friend Julie's blog to get the full story about how we met here. When I met these girls and realized girlfriends weren't all that bad I continued to seek girls who were like minded who loved the Lord and I now have a plethora of amazing women surrounding me and you know what I've learned... It's easy to make good girlfriends, and girlfriends totally rock!!

Girlfriends write you e-mail prayers when you are having a bad day and they can't call you because your cell phone is considered contraband at work. Girlfriends pray to God and ask him to "take all the cookies away" because she knows you struggle daily with body image. Girlfriends stick by your side for 15 years after you've exposed all your dirty laundry, called them 10 times in one day to cry about the same boy who you continue to take back time and time, heart ache after heart ache. Girlfriends drive to Dallas from Killeen to spend a day and a half with you for your birthday. Girlfriends take a day off work and drive to your house to pick you up and take you to the doctor knowing you will say no up until the very second they knock on the door of your apartment. Girlfriends sit there and listen while you cry to them in the middle of Starbucks for no other reason than because you are physically and emotionally drained and can't hold it in anymore. Girlfriends travel through state parks to look for dinosaur foot prints with an Iphone flashlight just to create a new fun adventure for you to laugh about later.

Girlfriends are amazing. You should get some!

Definitely...Possibly... Probably...Maybe...Not gonna happen.

Tuesday night at The Porch the young adults minister at our church spoke about commitment. It was a great message, JP provided statistics that reflect the lack of commitment in our generation and urged us to be more committed. There is a link to the video at the bottom of this blog if you would like to listen to it.

It is no secret that I believe our generation is non committal and it is no secret that I am completely, 100% bothered by it. Our generation is never on time, they are always looking for the better option, they don't communicate effectively when plans change, and they leave you hanging. It frustrates me to no end when people say they are going to do something and then flake out, when you send an invite to 100 people and only 20 respond and then 40 show up. Seriously? Or the best one, when an event starts at 7pm and they show up at 745, guess what... There is a start time for a reason! (Can you feel my passion about this) :)

So, after hearing JP's message on Tuesday it got me thinking about a discussion I recently had about the "Maybe" option on Facebook invites. I really can't stand the maybe option and it would be great if they took it away. But, since I know that chances of that actually happening are slim, I think we should expand the maybe section to include what it really means. Here are some examples,

1. Maybe - Definite no, but I"m a nice person and don’t want you to realize nobody cares about your event so I'll say maybe to make you feel better. 

2. Maybe - Guaranteed no, but I’ll string you along just in case I need you as my backup to my backup plan.

3. Maybe - No, but I don't have an excuse yet as to why I don't want to come and I need more time to come up with one.

4. Maybe - (My personal favorite) I don't want to say yes because I'm not really that interested but I don't want to be a loser and stay home alone on a Friday night so I'll say maybe until something better comes along.

You are all smiling right now because you know this is the truth. MAYBE you have been burned by a MAYBE , or MAYBE  you are the MAYBE  who is burning people.

Maybe leaves people hanging on. Maybe gives people hope that you might actually come. Maybe leaves people distracted, looking for you because you said you would come. Maybe is no fun!

So, in an effort to be more committal and to live like JP encouraged us to live let's work on eliminating the maybe. If you want to go, commit, say yes, keep your word even if it hurts (Psalm 15:4). And if you're not really interested say no, but say something! Don't linger in the maybe column or in the group of people who have not responded. Let your yes be yes and your no be no (Matthew 5:37)

Shoutout to JP for the inspiration for this blog :) Click here to check out his message. JP's message: Why commit?

God called, I (finally) gave in, He said "It's about time, now let's go!"

Many of you have been quite surprised by the recent announcement of my anticipated move to South Korea. I know this is happening really fast, trust me when I say I had absolutely no idea it would happen this fast or my human self would have tried to hold onto control for a little longer. So here's the story of how AMAZING our God is...

In 2007, I was wrapping up my last Semester of college and hadn't yet started getting plugged into a church. I felt the Lord calling me to serve with the youth group (junior high and high school) but I didn't understand why. That is a really hard age to work with and here I was damaged from an abusive relationship and trying to find my way back to Him and He was telling me to give to others. I didn't feel I had anything left to give. So, I did something I'm pretty good at, shamefully good at actually, and definitely not proud... I ignored God. I felt like if I just didn't listen to His voice, it would go away. <----- (Note: This ignoring thing I talk about became a theme throughout the next couple of years of my life) So, God laughed when I ignored Him, I imagine Him in heaven pointing down to me and telling the angels "I'll show her what it means to ignore me," and so He did! Shortly after I started working at CPS He sent the teenagers to me, 6 of them to be exact. He sent one with fetal alcohol syndrome, a 12 year old who cut herself regularly, a 13 year old with bipolar disorder and mental retardation, a 15 year old who cursed me out regularly, tried to jump out of a moving car on a freeway, was involved with drugs/alcohol and even spent time in jail, a teenage mother who would later tell me she was pregnant with her 2nd child before the age of 18, and a child with severe anger problems who was frequently expelled from school. Can you picture Him laughing now??

During my time at CPS I began to realize I had a passion for teaching. The idea of teaching abroad was really heavy on my heart, I could feel the Lord speaking to me but I still wasn't at a place in my life where I was seeking Him, I was selfishly making all my own decisions. So, when the time came for me to be obedient to God's calling, I did that thing I told you I was good at and ignored Him again, except this time I kind of laughed in His face. You see, in my selfish, human, unfaithful brain I had convinced myself if I went to Korea I would stay single and never get married, I also convinced myself that the depression I had battled so hard to overcome would come back if I uprooted my life and left my family and friends. The thing I didn't realize at the time was that if the Lord was calling me to something He was going to take care of me. So, I ran, I ignored, I dodged Him every time He tried to bring it up again.

I joined an alternative certification program and began taking classes to work toward transitioning into teaching here in the states. So in April last year, after running for a little while, I e-mailed my friend Andy who had moved from Dallas to teach in South Korea. He was in Taiwan at the time but gave me some very useful information so I started looking into it. For some reason I still couldn't bring myself to do it. I was finally making friends for the first time since I had been in Dallas, I was getting plugged into the church and had just started the process for community group and I wasn't ready to let go of my life. So the running and ignoring continued...

11 months later, while I was in Equipped Disciple this past Spring we were talking about faith and trusting the Lord. God broke me and I felt completely convicted that for 3 years I had run from his calling and tried to control my own life and in 3 years nothing had changed! I was still single, haha Korea wasn't keeping me single, I was, and I was still living selfishly and making my own decisions instead of trusting God. So I told my friend who I was in ED with at the time that I felt I needed to apply to teach in South Korea. I told her I felt I needed to show God that I was finally trusting Him. It only took me 6 months to actually do what I said I was going to do and when I did that's when God said "It's about time, now let's go!"

As I was researching recruiters, I found one I felt completely confident using. On Dan's website he encouraged anyone who was interested to apply, whether they had their documents or not. So, I took his advice and put my anticipated start date as January but hoping I wouldn't get matched with a job until February/March (still trying to control things). But God had another plan. So, I got matched with 2 jobs almost immediately and was asked "Can you start before January." While talking to my ubber wise roommate she reminded me that God called me to this and I needed to follow where He was leading. So I said yes and immediately accepted an interview for one of the jobs. After a week of not hearing anything I contacted the recruiter and was told the school had chosen to accept me and all I had to do now was sign the contract. I'm sure you know by now it wasn't that easy for me. I had a list of things I told the recruiter I wanted answers to before I would sign and don't you know God already knew I would be doing that and provided EVERY SINGLE ANSWER. He knew my fears and anxieties and He totally minimized them all.

One of the verses I find myself coming back to often (probably because of my rebellious, stubborn nature) is Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. You see, God knew I was AM stubborn and rebellious, God knew I would try to do things my way, God knew I would run from Him and ignore Him, and God knew I would eventually wake up and obey. It doesn't matter how much I ran or ignored, this was His plan all along and He was going to get me there by helping me come to my senses or He was going to get me there kicking and screaming. I have no idea where this Journey is going to take me but I am so excited to finally be in a place of completely surrendering to Him. I can't wait to see where He will use me and who's path He will bring me into next!

What lies are you believing?

Currently in my community group we are reading a book about the lies and deception we believe from Satan. The author of the book starts by taking us back to the first lie, the story of Adam and Eve. She speaks about Genesis and how the serpent tempts Eve. We've all heard the story, probably many times. But something stuck out in my mind this time, something I hadn't really paid much attention to in the times I've read this passage in the past. Take a look and see if you can find it.

Genesis 2: 15-17 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.  And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

Genesis 3:1-3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’? ”The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

Did you see it?? Look closely. Satan uses the tactic of planting a seed of doubt in Eve's mind, "Did God really say?" Eve begins to think back on what God said, and as her mind is processing she beings to question whether or not God said what she initially thought He said. She replies to the serpent "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it." Guess what, God never said that! As I read this passage again I could feel the holy spirit speaking to me about how often I, like Eve, "misinterpret" what God is telling me. How many times, I, like Eve, have justified my own decisions by saying God said something He didn't really say.

Fortunately, God continues to grow me in my walk and the lies I believed in the past or the things I justified in the past are no longer a part of my story but I know this is not an area Satan is going to just bow down to and leave alone. He knows I have an over analytical brain, and he knows I process through things way too much and second guess myself and he uses that area of weakness to cause me to second guess my convictions.

That is not okay. God promises to give us a helper who will convict regarding sin, righteousness and judgement (John 16) and when that helper lays something on our hearts we need to STOP and LISTEN. Don't think about it, don't over analyze it, don't try to figure it out. Just be still. If God is stirring something in your heart He is going to reveal to you in complete clarity, black and white, what He wants you to hear. When we allow room for our own interpretation of the word, we are also allowing room for the father of lies to squirm his way in and begin to deceive us.

Pray that the Lord will help you see in black in white and not gray. Pray that he will take self out of the picture because our human nature will always deceive us. And remember when you get an instinct that you should say/do/believe something. Don't ask yourself "Did God really say" just remember that He did!

Psalm 139:24 - See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Who will be your + 1?

I am no stranger to inviting people to come events I know about. In fact, many of you probably get annoyed with all the invites I send you, I love getting people connected! While the eagerness I have to connect people "within" the church is great, I've been feeling convicted lately about why I no longer have that same eagerness to connect people "TO" the church. There was a time, not too long ago when I was constantly inviting people to come to church with me. One week, I invited almost everyone I knew from one particular group of friends I had and 7, (yes 7!!!) people came to church with me that night. We took up an entire row at the Porch and I was so excited to have them there to hear the message. It was the night JP played the song from Salt and Pepper, you know what I'm talking about :)

This past Thursday I showed up to play tennis with a friend of mine. There was a big group of us and they organized people according to their skill level. I was super excited to play, and as I eagerly awaited the organizer to call my name, he went through the entire list and accidentally left me off! At first I was a little upset, I had driven all the way out to the court and I wasn't going to be able to play. Well, there was another lady who also got left off that night. I offered to play singles with her and the gentleman who was organizing said "I don't think that's a good idea, you are a 4.0 player." That was his nice way of letting me know this other lady was not quiet at the same skill level I was. We got on the tennis court and I quickly realized we weren't going to be playing much tennis. So, I started talking to her and getting to know Ms. Thelma, and boy was she a treat :) Such a sweet lady. We started talking about Jesus and I ended up inviting her to church with me. We didn't exchange contact information, honestly I didn't even think twice about it until I showed up for the 530 service at church this past Sunday and there she was!! How exciting it was to see her. God used that opportunity to help me realize that I have been lacking, big time in the department of growing his Kingdom!!

Jesus urges us to "Go into the world and preach the gospel" (Mark 16), to "make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28). I know when we think about witnessing sometimes we feel insecure or inadequate. I've been there before, many times. I definitely hope we can all get to the point that it just comes so naturally to us that we don't even think about it. But until that time comes, there is one thing I'm sure we can all agree is not to difficult to do... Invite them!! Invite them, and they will come! I was overwhelmingly surprised when I just extended the invite one week and 7 people ended up accepting that invitation. Just last night I was having a conversation with someone I have been friends with for a while and I realized I had never invited them to come to church with me. Well guess what? Not only is the person I invited coming, they are bringing a guest!

So, I encourage you friends, set a goal for yourselves to invite 1 person to church with you this week. Seek God and ask him who He wants you to reach out to this week, and be faithful when He gives you an answer. Because trust me, He will give you an answer.

Happy fishing!!