Life in Korea so far

Okay, I feel like I've been writing a lot lately so I was trying to spare you and wait to write another blog but the demand and questions from my friends and family has made me realize you guys are eager for more so here it is. 

I am no longer living in the "sexy time" hotel and I have officially moved into my apartment. Although the apartment is quite tiny I am content. I have a full size bed which is bigger than the twin size bed I was expecting. I have a full size refrigerator so I'm able to fill it with healthy, yummy groceries and the size of the apartment and furniture is a constant reminder of how much excess I was living in back home. I am absolutely thrilled I have been given the opportunity to build the habit of living minimally while I am here. 

Tiny Tim is the one on the left. Isn't he precious?

I officially started teaching after only 2 days of training. It has been both mentally overwhelming, and the most rewarding thing I've ever experienced. The children melt my heart daily. From 5 year olds who speak better English than I do to 10 year olds who get excited when anything in the story dies.

I knew I would be teaching English to children 5 to 13 years old but I didn't know that I would also be teaching Math, Science and Social Studies. It's giving me a new appreciation for all my friends who are elementary school teachers. As much as I love all the children I work with, I am 100% confident (even though you all think I'm crazy) that I will only be teaching junior high students when I return to the states. Each of my classrooms are no more than 7 students with my smallest class being 2 students. I have one class with two boys who I could get lost in conversation with for hours. They are so intelligent, I can't even begin to wrap my head around all the things they know. And my kindergarteners are the most precious little children I've ever laid eyes on. One little boy in particular, his name is Tim blows my mind each morning. I asked the children to draw a picture of what they eat and drink for breakfast and the next thing I know his little 5 year old brain is saying "Teacher, spelling for Vitamin Water" lol, I love it! 

This will be my Kryptonite! I have no idea what it's called
but it is fried, gooey, sweet and sour seaweed goodness
and I love it!!  

The food here is AMAZING!! I am no stranger to Korean food, I've been eating it for years and thanks to Madhu, I had a partner in crime to enjoy it with when I was in the states. BUT, there are so many things here I've never even seen in America. I haven't found the chicken butthole yet but I promise you I will write a blog about it, with pictures as soon as I do. There are also plenty of "western" food options here if I ever get sick of eating Korean food. I'm super excited to try one Mexican restaurant in particular and post pictures because I know it will make you all laugh out loud as much as I did when I saw it. I'm laughing again now just thinking about it.

Some kind of meat with a mustard sauce. 

I visited a church on Sunday. The pastor of the church is a man from India and although Jesus is the same in America and Korea, church is very different. The church was located in a room inside a building and can probably only hold about 100 people but it was so refreshing to listen as people sang about their love for our Father so passionately. I've been invited to try another church by a woman who has been so kind so I'm hoping to visit that church this Sunday and then start plugging in and serving somewhere. I'm desperately in search of connecting with a body of believers who I can serve alongside. 

You guys have been so wonderful so far and I have been overwhelmingly blessed and touched by all the love, support and encouragement I have received so far. Thank you for understanding where my heart is, thank you for supporting me through this journey even though I know it has been difficult for many of you. Thank you for taking the time to send me encouraging notes and thoughtful messages letting me know you are praying for me. I can't express in words how comforting it has been and there have been times already in the short time I've been here that I have needed it. Missing all of you!

Hard headed woman!

Elvis sang about me before I was even born. In his song, he says "Oh yeah, ever since the world began uh huh, a hard headed woman been a thorn in the side of man.He might as well have said "Brandy" instead of hard headed woman because I now know he was talking about me. I know there are a lot of things the Lord will be teaching me during my time here in Korea. I've laughed a lot to myself as He randomly reminds me of the many things I need to work on, but I'm definitely, 100% certain He will continue to wreck me on my stubborn, hard headed ways. 

Monday, I took a taxi to the immigration office to meet the director of my school. His American name is Clay and we usually refer to him as Mr. O. There is something kind of mysterious about Mr. O. He is usually very quiet but in my time with him he has used the little English he knows to get to know me and to answer the questions I have asked him. I've learned that he is 38, not married but loves children which is why he choose the profession that he did. He studied Piano in school and went to study in America for 2 years. He is a very kind man who has been extremely nice to me and I honestly wonder why none of the Korean women have snatched him up. My guess would be because he is too skinny! I don't know what it is about the Asian culture but they need some meat on their bones. I'm sorry but I prefer a man with a little fluff :) 

Anyways, he arrived at the immigration office before I did and when I arrived I tapped him on the shoulder to let him know I was there. He was sitting, so he stood up and told me to have a seat. I was perfectly fine standing and he had paperwork layed out in front of him so I figured he needed the seat more than I did so I told him I was fine and let him know he could have his seat. I guess it didn't matter than I didn't want the seat because he never sat down. We both stood there, with the chair starring back at us offering itself to us and neither of us sat down. I continued to stand hoping he would get the hint and sit but he never did. It's as if he couldn't allow himself to sit if I was not sitting as well. I'm not sure it is a cultural thing that I have not yet figured out, or if he is just as stubborn as I am, and maybe that has something to do with why he is not married. Either way, I couldn't help but laugh thinking about how long he would have stood there if I didn't give in and sit in the chair. 

Lingering in the presence of the Lord

About a month ago, I was driving home from visiting my sister in Kentucky and with about 7 and a half hours left, I decided to spend the remainder of my drive in prayer. I reached out to my friends on Facebook and asked them to send me prayer requests. I was going to pray regardless of whether or not I got a prayer request, but I wanted to know what was specifically going on in their lives that I could lift up to the Lord. I was absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of prayer requests I got during that time. I received requests from people that are in my life daily and I received multiple requests from people I'm friends with on Facebook but haven't talked to in years. As I got their messages, God opened my eyes to understanding where they are in their walk and He showed me the people I need to be investing more time in. 

As I was doing my quiet time this morning, I was in Isaiah and I was reminded of something someone said to me during my request for prayer. This person prefaced their prayer request with "I have been praying but I don't think the Lord hears my prayers, your faith is so much stronger than mine and I know the Lord answers you when you ask." Hearing them say this completely broke my heart. I spent some time talking to this person and helping them understand how they can feel more connected with the Lord but as I read in Isaiah chapter one this morning my heart began to hurt again and I wondered how many other people feel the same way my sweet friend did.

Growing up I had a super fun youth minister who always found a fun way to relate what scripture said to our teenage brains. I remember one particular time he was talking about the importance of confession of sin. Brother Stan encouraged us to turn all the lights off in our bedroom, sit in the closet with a notebook and a pen and pray that the Lord reveal to us anything that was creating a barrier in our relationship with Him. I remember the first time I did this, page after page of people I needed to ask for forgiveness from and sins that I needed to confess. You see, the list was extremely long because outside of asking the Lord to save me, I had never asked for forgiveness or confessed anything. In that moment, my teenage self needed to ask for forgiveness for everything. So, with my list in hand, I prayed, one by one, sin by sin, I confessed and I prayed asking the Lord for forgiveness. I tell you that story because recently at the Shane and Shane concert, they spoke about Lingering in the presence of the Lord. Shane asked why we are always in such a hurry to leave the presence of the Lord and why we have such a hard time just sitting there spending time with Him. To my dear friend who said the Lord can't hear her prayers, I encouraged her to sit quietly with the Lord and pray what I prayed so long ago, asking the Lord to reveal to her the things that were standing in her way of growing more intimately with Him. I may not sit in my closet anymore, but I do still participate in this silly exercise. Most days I find myself daily asking for forgiveness for something I have done but there are times when I am feeling disconnected or I don't feel the Lord as closely as I usually do and in those times I remind myself to be still and be with the Lord. 

I can't express to you the amazing feeling I get every day waking up knowing the Lord is by my side. I hope if you don't feel that right now you long to find that connection with Him. I am about to repeat some things you have probably heard time and time again but there is a reason everyone keeps telling you these things... Spend time in the word DAILY! Meditate on His truth. Talk to Him through prayer. Confess your sins. Sit and be still! There is no better way to get closer to the Lord than to spend time with Him each day. If you aren't doing that right now you are missing something. Don't miss out on the great connection He desires to have with you any longer. Sit with Him, talk to Him, listen to what He has to say. You will be amazed! 

When you have some time, check out this message from Matt Chandler, Under the Faucet. 
Under the Faucet

Brandy teacher, I love you!

My time in Korea has brought so much joy to my life already. It's amazing how much peace and calmness God brings when you are obedient to His calling. I expected to experience sadness, anxiety and worry this first week but as much as I love and miss you guys, there hasn't been an ounce of any negative emotions so far. I know that time will come, but until then, I am going to soak in every minute of what I am feeling right now.  

My apartment has not been ready so, for the last 5 days, I have been sleeping in a hotel which I can only assume is part of the "Red light" district. Outside my window, I can see a "Sexy Bar" and a "Red Bar" and my very first morning here, I encountered several piles of vomit on my way to go get breakfast. I'm sure you are wondering where I can find joy in all of the "sexy time" and vomit but I can't help but smile when I think about how God has placed me in such a lost place. I truly have my work cut out for me and I'm overwhelmingly excited thinking about how many souls will be added to the kingdom in the time I am here. 

Monday was my first day at the school. I was greeted by tons of Korean children running toward me with arms wide open grabbing every part of my body and screaming "Brandy teacher, I love you!" They don't know a thing about me and I wonder if they understand what those words mean, but I don't care. Hearing them say those words just melts my heart. They are so affectionate and I am eating up every second of it. I have children climbing in my lap, laying their head to rest on my chest and wanting any affection I am willing to give and I am sure it won't take them long to figure out that I am ready to shower them with love and affection every minute of every day. 

I'm sad to report I have not yet had an opportunity to try all the exciting food Korea has to offer but I will definitely be doing some exploring this weekend. 

Here are some of the things I have learned about Korea so far;

- Korean children get assigned English names. Some as normal as Ashley or Sarah, others like Tinkerbell. 
- Korean children are considered 1 year old when they are born. So, they have a Korean age and an American age. Interesting huh?
- It is true... Asian children love to learn! They are so proficient, they are quick and they ask a million questions until they understand it perfectly. I love the way their little brains work and I'm so excited to teach them. 
- Everything in Korea is cute. Nothing is a solid color, everything has a print or a pattern or some random animated character on it. 
- Korean women don't like to wear pants in the freezing cold whether. A pair of leggings and a pair of shorts, no problem. Seriously girls? 
- Freckles are considered a flaw. I had to have my photo taken for a health exam and I watched the man airbrush every single freckle off my face before printing the picture. 
- There is no toilet paper in public restroom. There are random toilet paper dispensers in each building but none in the actual bathroom. So, be sure you know how much you need because that is the only chance you will get. 
- And finally, if you see a barber shop with more than one pole, this is a "special" barber shop. Apparently the more poles, the more "services" they offer. Thank you Marisol for filling me in on this!

It's only been 5 days and I am amazed at how many interesting things I have already learned about this culture. I have absolutely no clue what is in store for me here but I am excited to share this journey with you. Until next time...

Koreans don't speak Spanish!

So, for a little over a month, I've been reading a book trying to teach myself how to speak Spanish. I've been telling myself I was going to do it forever and I finally stopped procrastinating and started learning. I am no where close to being proficient but learning none the less.

Well, living in Texas any time someone doesn't understand what you are saying a good percentage of the time it's because they speak Spanish. Working in the Social Work field, I've learned Spanglish and I can understand some of the things they say and through hand gestures and broken Spanish we can sometimes make it work.

In my attempt to communicate with the Koreans, I don't know why, but I've been trying the same thing. These poor Koreans!!! I have no idea why my brain has been making the connection that it is even a little bit logical to say Spanish words but it has, and it has been a hilarious mess. They look at me with blank stares and then I realize it is because not only am I speaking one language they don't understand, I am throwing more foreign words in the middle of it all.

I have heard several people over the years say the words "If they live in our country, they should know how to speak our language." In my 5 days here, that has been breaking my heart. I realized how cold we are to the stories of the people that are in our country. Yes, some have come illegally, but a lot have come for a better life. Refugees from extreme violence, women and children trafficked for sex crimes, and people who wanted to provide a better future for their families. I hope we will be able to show a little more grace to those that cannot understand us. And remember, learning a new language is hard!!

A beautiful love story...

Growing up in a military family, you can spot a soldier from a mile away. They have a certain "swag." Each branch even has their own "swag," you can tell Army from Air force, Navy from Marine and if for some crazy reason, they don't have the military swag, you can pick them out based on their haircut :) So, standing in line to go through security clearance this morning I met a man in the Air force. We started talking and he told me he was in Dallas for training but is currently stationed in California. 

Having both arrived insanely early for our flight to Los Angeles we made small talk. We spoke about the military, and how long he's been in, he told me about his wife and showed me pictures of his beautiful daughters and I mentioned God and he quickly reciprocated with confirmation that he too was a believer. Y'all know I never shy away from a chance to make a new friend and it was absolutely comforting to know he is a believer. As he asked me about Korea I told him why I was going I also told him about how I hesitated to follow through because of selfish reasons. I didn't tell him what that meant but in his mind he knew and shortly after saying those words to him he told me a beautiful story about how he met his wife. 

The story started with Tim telling me, God always has a plan. He told me he had his life mapped out was completely on track with the way he thought things would work and was about to propose to his girlfriend of two years when she told him she didn't want to be an air force wife. Devastated and unsure what to do, he spent some time rebelling from God. He found his way back to trusting the Lord and met his now wife Amy. Tim told me about the first time he met Amy.  While helping a friend move, she was in sweats and had a side pony tail. He saw her again, out with some friends and as she caught his eye, not recognizing her, he asked a friend who she was. He told me about their first interactions with each other on a group outing, Tim made a joke and Amy responded with a feisty comment that again caught his attention. As Tim found the courage to ask Amy out, the schedule to have their first date on a Wednesday. The Monday of the week they would go on their first date, Tim got on his knees and cried out to the Lord asking Him to speak. He didn't want to go through the heartbreak he had recently went through and he just wanted to know what God's plan was. Tim told me that in His time of crying out to the Lord he heard the Lord tell him, "You will marry her." Tim explained he was thrown off guard, yes, he was seeking answers but how could the Lord be telling him he would marry someone he had only known for a couple weeks and hadn't even been on a date with. Tim and Amy went on their first date and shortly after their first date he told Amy about what the Lord revealed to him during his time of prayer. As he told Amy this, Amy responded saying "I know," confused Tim sought clarity and Amy said, "God told me the same thing the morning of our date." They were engaged 3 weeks later and have celebrated 9 years of marriage together. 

As I heard this story my initial reaction was "that's just crazy." How can you know you will marry someone after just a couple weeks of knowing them? God reminded me of a couple things through my time talking to Tim. First, God is not a God of confusion ( 1 Corinthians 14:33), He promises that if we seek Him with ALL of our heart, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). Tim was seeking the Lord and asking God to speak and God spoke. He knows our desires and He knows where our heart is and in everything we go through, He always has a plan. Tim knew 3 things about Amy, he was attracted to her, she was witty and could banter back with him and she loved the Lord. I think our generation definitely makes dating far more complicated than it has to be. This stranger in the airport has no idea what is going on in my life and in my heart but the Lord completely used him to open my eyes. Tim trusted the Lords plan and just went with it. I don't know Amy but I think based on what Tim told me about her she would be my kind of girl. I am so encouraged by their blind faith to trust what the holy spirit was telling them.

My journey down the scale from 229 pounds

***Warning, this blog is very long***

I've been going back and forth on what I should include in this blog and as I've prayed through this, the Lord has reminded me of how many people struggle with body image issues. The risk of embarrassment and judgement by others is lurking in the back of my mind but I am reminding myself of Galatians 1:10 and Romans 12:2. You are about to get a private look at a very vulnerable place, I hope by opening up and being 100% honest, lives will be impacted and it will inspire change. I know this is a sensitive area and please hear me when I say that some of the things I am going to talk about are not going to be fun for you to hear if you are struggling with body image but you need to hear them. I pray that God will use my words to touch your hearts so that you may also feel the conviction of recognizing we are to honor the Lord with ALL that we are and that includes how we take care of our bodies. 

"Unfair as it is, our society still discriminates the overweight... Your weight plays a role in how other people see you and treat you." As much as I would love to tell you that quote is a lie, it is absolutely the truth. We may adore the people in our lives in spite of their appearance but our first impression of them has a lot to do with what they look like. We judge the clothes they are wearing, we are envious of how beautiful they are or we criticize what they could be doing differently that would make them more attractive. I confess to you that even having struggled with being overweight myself I am  guilty of judging others based on their weight. 

Prior to my most recent attempt at losing the weight I had gained, I tried numerous weight loss programs. You name it, I signed up. Jenny Craig 3 times, L.A. weight loss, Adkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, countless gym memberships, a profile on Spark Pages and none of it worked! For me, the motivation for losing weight was all about the number on the scale. Do you know that 96% of attempts to lose weight by Americans end in failure? Yep, that was news to me too. No wonder so many people struggle with this. As I worked those programs, I lost a little bit of weight here and there but I always gained it back. There was no investment from my heart, and more importantly I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. For me, I thought the reason I was single was because of my appearance  After all, the world tells us that if we aren't a size 2, we are ugly and unattractive. I believed those lies. It wasn't until I heard the following words that the light bulb in my head made a new connection, "Do it because you are loved not so that you can be loved." Those words awoke my soul and helped me realize I was approaching this entirely the wrong way. My thought process was backwards. I was holding myself to the standards of the world and not the standards the Lord expects of me.

My size 16 pants

November 27th will forever be marked as the day I was able to fit into a size 10 jean. To most women the thought of a size 10 makes them tense up but for me it was a huge accomplishment. When I started this journey, I was popping out of a size 16. If I'm honest with myself, I should have been wearing a size 18. Growing up I couldn't gain a pound if I tried, I was so skinny you could see my hip bones! My years of pour eating habits and lazy lifestyle finally got the best of me and the number on the scale started going up. I knew I was getting bigger but I never weighed myself and it wasn't until a new job required a physical that I stepped on the scale for the first time in years to read the numbers 229!!!! Admitting that to you is not easy but it's important for you to know my number, not for me to brag about how much I've lost but for you to know that whatever your number is, you are not defeated by it. I know you feel it may be a lost cause and you're never going to lose the weight but that is a lie! I am proof that God changes the hearts of those who seek Him and He listens when we surrender to Him and ask for His help!  

The night I put on the size 10 jeans :)

Many of the people in my life have been asking "How are you losing the weight," "What are you doing." It is important for you to know that first and foremost, "I" am not responsible for the physical changes that you are seeing. Yes, I have put time and energy into honoring God with my body but I absolutely would not be at the place I am if it weren't for the Lord's continuous voice speaking to me and the push He gives when I cannot find the strength. The first step for me was getting to a place of absolute surrender. When I realized I could no longer do this on my own, I asked the Lord to help me and He did. 

Surrender/Get support:

"God freed me from keeping it secret. What Satan planned for mass evil, God used for His great good!" Those are the words of Lysa Terkeurst, the author of Made To Crave. If you struggle with weight loss or any form of eating disorder please, please purchase her book. It is wonderful! The first step toward a healthy track of weight loss for me was shining light onto things I was keeping in the dark (Ephesians 5:8-11). By keeping things hidden I was never going to get any better. My community group knew I struggled with body image but they had no idea the extent of what I was going through because I didn't share. I never told them I was eating fast food almost every day and spending hundreds of dollars a month just to eat out. I never told them I would choose where I wanted to eat solely based on who which place had the better dessert option. I never told them I was physically addicted to food and used it to treat every emotion I was feeling instead of turning to my savior who promises to be more than enough. First step - confession, second step - create a support group. When I confessed to God and asked for forgiveness an enormous weight was lifted and I instantly felt His presence with me offering to help carry me along through this journey. God reminded me that leaning on Him for strength was only the first step and I needed support from those who were in my life daily. So, I reached out to those I knew I could trust and asked them for help. I was raw with them, completely exposed, I admitted my weight for the first time in my life, I confessed when I messed up and they encouraged me and helped pick me up when I fell down. Their support helped give me the strength to keep going, and knowing I had to answer to God and my friends and family kept me from eating an entire pizza or indulging in a half a bag of cookies. I stopped binging and started praying and digging into the word.

Pray/Dig into the word:

I have a dear friend who has also struggled with over eating and body image. Her name is Kristin Kons, you may know her from the Television show Know The Cause. Kristin is such a beautiful soul and God wrote her into my story to speak truth and help me along this journey. Kristin you are beautiful and I am so blessed that you offer yourself daily to be used by God. You are such an inspiration, thank you for all you have done so far! You can click HERE to visit Kristin's website Eating With Purpose where you can read her story and get some great healthy recipes. The first time I met with Kristin to discuss her weight loss journey, I had so many "Ah ha" moments. Kristin talked about surrendering to the Lord, she shared with me about moments when she stood in front of the cabinet wanting to make an unhealthy choice and just started praying and telling Satan to go away. She talked about quoting scripture and how Satan doesn't like it when we use the word of God to combat his temptations. So, I began to equip myself and add tools to my toolbox to help fight the temptation when it came. I dug into the word and wrote down bible verses that spoke to me and just started memorizing them. Every time I was tempted to drive through Chic Fil A (waffle fries and chocolate chunk cookies are my weakness) I quoted 1 Corinthians 10:13 or 1 Corinthians 10:23. Every time my body lied and told me I was tired and couldn't finish my 3 mile run I quoted 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 or Romans 12:1. When I wanted to indulge and have a second serving of the delicious food I was eating, knowing that my body didn't need it I would quote Psalms 73:26 or Exodus 16:4. My prayer life began to be strengthened and my relationship with God was growing because I relied on Him and wasn't trying to fight the battle on my own. The Lord reminded me that He is more than enough to satisfy my needs and He proved that to be true over and over again. When I broke down and gave into my flesh I surrendered again and He continuously gave me strength. 

Don't give up if you make a mistake:

This one is huge! So many times in the past I would be on track, doing good and losing weight and I would make an unhealthy choice. That one bad decision lead to fits of binging, feelings of guilt and shame and an easy target for Satan to attack and tell me things like "You're such a loser, you can't even go 3 days without fast food you will always be fat." Over and over again I could hear the devil persecuting me and I believed the lies he was telling me so I gave up. I would find the courage to try again and again I would fail and give up. Kristin helped me realize it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you make a mistake acknowledge the mistake, confess it and get back on track. To this day, I still make unhealthy choices, there are days when I know I can fight the temptation and I choose not to and I have to repent from that and keep moving forward. This is not an easy journey, you will make mistakes, you will fail but you have to reprogram your thought process and believe that you can do it. Mark 11:24 tells us "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." 

Recognize and replace the negative self talk:

When I realized there is no way I was going to be able to do this on my own I googled "Christian weight loss" and up popped information about Dr. Frank Smoot.   I downloaded his e-book and was completely encouraged by the way he used the scripture to help encourage others through the weight loss journey. Dr. Smoot talks about identifying our "self sabotaging believes." These are the thoughts that trigger our emotional eating habits. You know what I'm talking about. If you have a bad day at work, you need the greasy hamburger from McDonalds. If your boyfriend breaks up with you, you find the nearest grocery store and indulge in the Double Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream. If you get good news, you want to celebrate by having a "treat." Please hear me when I say it is okay to eat the foods I just mentioned if you control your portions and your motives are in the right place. I would really encourage you to purchase Dr. Smoot's book. It is very long but that is because it is jam packed with truth that will help you along this process. 

Additional tid bits:

- Portion control, portion control, portion control! I can't stress this enough! If you are an emotional eater this is the number one thing you need to get into check. One of the best pieces of advice Kristin gave me was to get a small plate and put just enough food to fit the small plate, eat that and then come back to eat again after I had given it time to settle. We consume far more than our body needs and we need to slow down and enjoy our food. Cut back on your portions and eat more frequently. 

- Get moving! We live in a beautiful world full of God's magnificent creations. Get outside and soak it in. Admire what surrounds you, you don't need to go for a run, just walk, even if it is just 20 or 30 minutes a day, set aside some time to stay active. 

- Educate yourself!!! Please, stop consuming food if you have no clue what is in it. There are so many added chemicals that are completely unnecessary and cause our body stress. Our body is not intended to consume the process foods so it doesn't break it down and it is getting stored causing excess weight. Check out the youtube video "Sugar: The Bitter Truth" and go from there. YOU are responsible for what you are consuming, not the people producing the food. 

- Eat clean! With the resources available to us, there are countless recipes and options for healthy eating. It is delicious food. Don't believe the lies that you are missing out by eating healthy you will be gaining so much more. 

And finally, I want to say that if you are reading this blog with a "goal weight" or size in mind, the things I have written will not help you. If there is one thing I have learned through this entire process, it is that my journey will never end. I have an addictive personality that will always make me want more. I am a sinner who is drawn to all things evil and I lack self control and will power to achieve anything 100% on my own. I will forever have to seek the Lords support and help no matter what size I am or what the scale says. I say that because I want you to know that you are not alone. I am still taking this journey with you and if you need support, encouragement, advice or have questions you want answered, please, please contact me. I will pray for you and help you in whatever way possible.