Set it free!

"Forgiveness is not reconciliation. 

It takes one sinner to repent and 

one victim to forgive 

but it takes both to reconcile." 

Those are the words of Mark Driscoll, written in his book Who Do You Think You Are. 

Recently, I've gone through some deep emotions surrounding forgiveness. In reading this book, God dealt with my heart on a particular issue that I needed to work through, something I've brushed under the rug and ignored for 28 years. 

I come from a broken family, my parents divorced when I was very young and my mother remarried when I was 4 years old. I am fortunate enough to have two men I call dad and two women who love and pour into me as a mother should, so I never really felt like I was lacking anything. God made it very clear however that although I haven't externally felt like I was missing out on anything, internally I have been broken and empty as a result of my parents separation. It's not something that ever dawned on me until I read a comparison of God our heavenly father to our earthly father and I realized that neither man I call dad fits the description of some of the things that naturally happen in a father daughter relationship for many people. 

In an attempt to move forward and deal with this issue, I reached out to my father to talk about some of the things the Lord was stirring in my heart. Around the same time that I reached out to him, I also realized I needed to ask forgiveness from someone for causing them hurt and pain. I'm not proud of my actions and I reached out to him in an attempt to reconcile but haven't heard from him since. 

Both these things have been weighing on my mind heavily and I've been anxiously anticipating the resolve.  

Tonight my eyes were opened to a few things I wanted to share with you. First, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. The man I hurt may have forgiven my actions, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are at a place were we can be reconciled in our relationship. Forgiveness is just the beginning of a possible reconciliation but reconciliation is not a guarantee. Second, forgiveness is leaving it in God's hands. I've initiated contact with both people and at this point it is up to the Lord to work in their hearts. By lingering in this place, I am standing between God and the work He is trying to do. 

Romans urges us not to repay evil with evil, not to avenge ourselves but to live peaceably with all men. If you have wronged someone and asked for forgiveness, leave it at that and allow God to work. If you are harboring bitterness in your heart for someone who wronged you, I hope you will stop waiting for the apology and make the choice to forgive them and let God work through the situation. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Ephesians 4:31