All things GRAND!

Up, down, up, down, down, down, down, up. That pretty much sums up my emotions so far in Korea. I was filled with excitement and eagerness when I first arrived, then I got sick and didn't have much energy to do anything. I mustered up the strength and found another high, only to get sick again followed by an extreme depression and then recently crawled my way out of the funk. 

Defeated is the best word I can choose to explain to you how I've felt. When I started on this journey I had the words "Consume me for your fire and use me for your hearts desire, to spread your word to every tribe and nation" resounding in my head. My heart was full and eager. I was ready to soar wherever the Lord wanted to take me. I've heard countless stories from friends and family who have been on mission and I guess I expected to feel as though He was using me right away. 

I had expectations of how I thought the Lord was going to use me in Korea. I thought I knew where He wanted me and who He wanted me in contact with. I've always had a passion for serving and my passion for working with victim's of human and sex trafficking has continued to grow. Sex trafficking is a growing problem around the world but it is especially prevalent in Asian countries and I was certain that is where the Lord wanted to use me. I was anxious to get plugged in and sent e-mail after e-mail inquiring about how to get involved, and with each dead end I felt more and more defeated. Unable to speak Korean, I can't exactly roam the streets sharing the gospel with people. It's been quite challenging and honestly, I've been feeling as though I have wasted so much time already. I have been completely confused and searching for purpose but the Lord has helped me realize I am not entitled to understanding how He will use me or what He will do while I am here. 

This past Sunday we continued digging into the book of 2 Kings. As we read, the Lord reminded me of the phrase "With high expectations comes great disappointment." Just as I had expectations of how the Lord would use me, Naaman had expectations of how he would be healed of his leprosy. Elisha sends a messenger who tells him to "Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh shall be restored to you, and you shall be clean." Naaman's response to the message was anger and frustration and he says "Indeed, I said to myself, He will surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God and wave his hand over the place and heal the leprosy." 

You see, Naaman had an idea of what he thought was going to happen when he went to see Elisha. His expectations were high and when they weren't met, he became angry. Naaman wanted some big grand gesture to show that he was indeed healed. What Elisha's messenger told him to do was not the big grand gesture Naaman had expected so he was disappointed. In verse 13, Naaman's servants say to him "My father, if the prophet had told you to do something great, would you not have done it? How much more then when he says to you, wash, and be clean?" Translation - You stupid man, what he is asking you to do is so simple, why are you making things so complicated. I confess to you I have been expecting the big and grand gesture. I've expected the Lord would use me in huge ways and I've expected to be able to see how He is moving. 

As I read these words it was as if the Lord was tapping on my shoulder saying "Hey Brandy (tap, tap, tap), did you hear that?" I am never promised to know what God will do. I am never promised to be able to see the results of the work He is doing, I am simply asked to serve. I may not work with a single victim of human trafficking while I'm here, I may never get to witness the affects of the seeds I plant but if the only thing I do while I am in Korea is love on others and speak truth into their lives, the Lord is absolutely still using me to do His work.