As I prepared to embark upon this chapter of my life, I knew one thing to be true. In order to truly have faith in where the Lord was taking me and what He planned on doing in my life I had to COMPLETELY surrender. Not 85%, not 99.9%, but 100%. So, I sold EVERYTHING. I sold my car, I sold all of my furniture, I cancelled my cell phone contract indefinitely and I came to Korea knowing I could be here for 1 year or I could be here, or somewhere else for the next several years.
Shortly after I arrived in Korea, I sat down with the director of my school to review my contract. The school year in Korea starts and ends in February so he asked if I would extend my contract for 2 more months in order to finish out the school year. I thought to myself, "Two months, isn't that big of a difference," but I didn't sign right then. I told him I wanted to talk to my family first and let them know what I was doing before I committed. Well, I wasn't able to talk to my family that weekend so when Monday came around, I signed the contract extending until February.
The next day, I felt completely overwhelmed by anxiety and worry knowing I would soon have to tell everyone I would not be coming home in December. I thought about how I would miss another Christmas with my family and how much it hurt not being with them this year. So, I requested a meeting with my director and told him I was sorry but I would not be able to stay until February. He completely understood and we resigned the contract with the original date.
Lately, I have been feeling completely overwhelmed and burdened thinking about everyone else's expectations. I am so grateful to be loved and cared for by so many, and because I know you love me, I need to tell you something. What happens in Korea, however long God wants to use me in the mission field is between me and Him. I will give you answers when I receive peace and know what the next step is, but until then, please stop asking me if I will be staying or coming home. Please understand that my heart right now is telling me to come home in December but it is very possible the Lord will change my heart. I can't be sure of anything at this point. Please understand that I need you to be supportive and encouraging because the thought of being away from my friends and family even longer is not an easy thing for me to grasp. I need you building me up and encourage me and I need to stop living in a place of worry and stress. So, until further notice, I don't want to talk about it :)
No comments:
Post a Comment