Say what you mean and mean what you say

We've all heard that phrase before, "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Well that has been stirring in my mind lately. I can't seem to wrap my head around why single men and women in their 20's and 30's still find it necessary to be cryptic and evasive in their communication with one another. I know the fear of rejection cripples a lot of us but I honestly don't understand why. Rejection is helpful, it pushes us away from going the wrong direction and puts us back on the right path. If a guy intentionally shows he is not interested in me, it doesn't leave me hanging or wondering if something could happen. Yes, it may hurt for a little while but I would much rather experience the temporary heartache than spend a year wasting my time investing in something that is never going to go anywhere. 

As I'm preparing to leave, I've noticed something about men... Suddenly the fear of rejection seems to be a softer blow when they feel they've got nothing to lose. In the last month, 3 men have come forward to tell me they currently have or have had some kind of romantic interest in me and they are sad that I am leaving. Seriously?? Let me say that again, SERIOUSLY?? I really don't understand why they think that's even a little bit appropriate. (To the one that said the words "I am glad I have been able to channel what I was feeling for you into loving you like a sister," thank you for taking the time to clarify your current intentions) The only reason they should be saying those words is if they have the intention of continuing to get to know me on a deeper level, and if that's the case it needs to be 100% clear, black and white. Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to not allow any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, only what is helpful for building others up. As much as I'm flattered to know there is some interest coming from men that are not criminals or mentally ill, how is this building me up? It messes with my head and leaves me wondering what could have happened if I didn't go to Korea and that's not fair to me. 

Here is an excerpt I took from the Boundless article The Hindrance of a Hint, click here to read the whole article, great stuff! 

"Why is it that we are afraid to speak directly to someone? Why do we rely on hints and avoidance techniques? I would argue that this is a manifestation of what the Bible calls "fear of man." We are worried about what others think of us — either we crave their approval or we fear their rejection. There's also laziness involved. It's much easier to duck someone with an expectation of us than it is to gently and graciously talk to them about it. But does this build up our brothers and sisters for their benefit (Ephesians 4:29)? Does this follow after the Proverbs 31 model to speak with wisdom and kindness? And will we have to give a good or poor account of our careless words (Matthew 12:34-37)?"

My hope is, that as mature adults, we will stop playing childish games with one another. Stop fearing what other people will think of us and do what is best, what will guard their hearts and what will be "helpful in building them up." If you have an interest in someone and you know enough about them to know you want to pursue them, ask them on a date! If you don't have feelings for someone but think they may have feelings for you, be bold and have a courageous conversation letting them know you don't feel the same way so their heart won't linger waiting for you to make a move. And if someone you have feelings for isn't being clear and intentionally pursuing you, MOVE ON! If they can't bring themselves to be intentional God needs to work on their ability to lead you well, let Him do that.