You'll be a better wife because of it

Hello my name is Brandy, and I am a control freak. I want things done the right way and by the right way I mean my way. I'm a tad bit OCD, my shirts get hung on white hangers and my pants on blue hangers and if you try to help me and mess it up I will be kind to you but will secretly be totally annoyed and go back and correct every single thing that is wrong when you're not looking. The guys I work with have figured out my OCD tendencies and often mess with me at work by slightly adjusting my chair or computer screen. To most people, they don't even notice the change but I notice and it DRIVES ME CRAZY! 

In past blogs I've mentioned my struggle with releasing control of my singleness and lately God has certainly been testing my ability to let go. A couple weeks ago I met with my friend Kristin for tea. Right before speaking to her I had an uncomfortable conversation with the man who has my heart and I was telling her about it. After listening to me rant, Kristin said some very powerful words, "Brandy, the Lord is shaping you to become a virtuous woman who will be an amazing wife, stop interfering with his work." God used Kristin to speak right to my heart and convict me of something I needed to release. I went home that night and spent hours in prayer and confession asking God to take from me the thing I couldn't release. My heart has gone through an emotional roller coaster over the last year and I have invested so much time, energy and emotion into something and I don't want it to go away. I want it to flourish and grow. My controlling self wants to keep investing and keep pouring into it but I've realized that I don't have the proper tools to nurture the growth it needs, only God does and realizing that has made the process of letting go a little easier. 

While visiting with my friend Andy, who I haven't seen in over 8 years, we began talking about relationships. I was telling him that my heart is stuck in Dallas. Physically, I may be leaving for Korea in a couple of weeks but emotionally, my heart is not ready to go yet. As Andy and I were speaking, he really encouraged me by reminding me that in the next 12 months, God is going to do wonderful and amazing things in my life. My walk with Him will be strengthened and my heart will be changed and transformed and when God is done writing this chapter of my life I will have so much more to offer the man I will marry because I will be a much better woman than the one I am right now. I love thinking about how God is going to grow me over the next 12 months and as much as the thought of not being able to physically see or speak to the man who has my heart hurts, I know that God has a plan for all of this and I am so thankful. In everything we go through we are to praise the Lord and be thankful because it is all a part of His plan for our lives. So, in the midst of the hurt and heartache, I will continue to be thankful for where the Lord has me right now and where He is taking me next. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18