I've Moved

Hello All,

I am anxious to share with you the new projects I have been working on. I am no longer blogging from this site and moved to a new website. Come visit me at www.brandycoty.com

Don't forget to subscribe via e-mail so you don't miss any of the new posts. Happy reading friends.

The Beauty of the Unknown

Anxiety, nervousness, anticipation, fear, worry. Those are the feelings that usually come to mind when we think about the unknown. Our desire to know and piece together what happens next usually drives us to a place of increased anxiety, anticipating the outcome.

As we wait to hear the results of our biopsy, MRI or CT scan we are filled with nervousness and worry. With no understanding of what causes certain illness, we can't even begin to wrap our minds around how to react when our friends and family are diagnosed. As we wait in singleness for the Lord to bring us a spouse our impatience manifests in feelings of anxiousness and sometimes fear that we will be alone forever. The unknown is scary.

But today, I found myself longing desperately for the unknown. In the field I work in, more often then not, we play a temporary role in someone's life. Sometimes my clients circle back to me but many times that's not the case. There have been many clients I have worked with over the years who I've often thought about, wondering how they were doing. I desire to know if they are still stable, if they've stayed on their medication, if they've stayed sober, if they've stayed out of jail. I want to know they are doing well, but that's not the case. I hope and pray for the best but that's usually all I can do.

In my mind there are always happy endings because I never actually see or hear about life after I work with them. I get to stay in my happy place, a place full of rainbows and sunshine and healthy people. I know that's not really the case but it works for me, it helps bring brightness to the really ugly world I live in. But today a tornado of darkness trampled in and ruined my rainbow and sunshine filled happy place.

Two weeks ago I transitioned a client after spending 3 months working with him. 3 months of fighting desperately to keep him alive. 3 months of fighting desperately to keep him sober. 3 months of intense conversations trying to provide him with new coping skills to keep him from returning to old habits. 3 months of an intense emotional roller coaster that left me feeling emotionally and physically drained. After 3 months, we transitioned him knowing there was nothing more we could do, we had given him all the tools we could give him and it was up to him to put the tools to use.

Sometimes no amount of new coping skills and tools in the toolbox can help, and today I find myself longing for the unknown, because reality is depressing, ugly, sad and difficult to hear. I learned today that despite my best efforts to keep Chris alive, Chris reverted back to his old patterns of behavior, resulting in the loss of his life. My heart is breaking and I wish I didn't know the truth. I want to return to my rainbow and sunshine filled happy place. I want to live my life thinking Chris is somewhere in the world, sober, happy and doing well and I can't. That's been forever taken away from me and it makes me so sad to know Chris' life has come to an end.

My happy place has been torn down and it will never be the same but the memories I have of Chris will be filed away in that happy place because I am still so blessed to have had the chance to work with him.

Chris, I told you how proud I was of you the day you reached 100 days sober and I am still so incredibly proud of you. It hurts my heart to know you felt you needed an escape from your reality and I'm so sorry you couldn't find the strength to fight this battle any longer. I know this battle was hard for you and I know every day was a struggle. I'm happy you aren't hurting anymore. I'm happy you aren't in pain. But I'm sad that you're gone. You helped me grow in my therapuetic skills. You challenged me to become a better case manager, and you taught me so much. Thank you for helping me understand the ugly side of addiction. Thank you for being raw about your struggle and letting me in to the vulnerable side of you. Thank you for letting me know you. You will be missed.

The Resilience of the Homeless

The summer after I graduated college, I interviewed for a job with a company that would play an instrumental role in my professional career. Fresh out of college, with no clue how to actually do the job of a Social Worker, I was given a job as a Liaison at the Psychiatric Emergency Room. It was my first intimate exposure to the homeless population, my first glimpse into the truth of their world instead of the perception I had formed in my own head. 

For many people, when they hear the word "homeless," their mind wanders to the man or women standing on the corner of the street asking for money. To most of us, that's our only exposure to the homeless population and it gives us little insight into the story behind the people we encounter. If you've never taken the time to get to know someone who lives a life of homelessness, I'd encourage you to do so. For each person standing on the corner, sitting under a bridge, or squatting in an abandoned building, there lies a series of events that lead them to this place.  

My time working with the homeless has taught me many things, but recently I've seen my clients with a new set of eyes. In addition to seeing what I can be doing to serve them and help them, I've been reminded of their strength, courage, determination, perseverance, and fearlessness. 

The men and women living on the street have a resilience that makes me so honored to work along side such wonderful people. It is an incredible thing to witness. 

I'd like to share some things with you that will give you a sneak peak into their world and hopefully help you see beyond just the cardboard sign they are holding as they vulnerably put themselves out there to ask for your help.   

The homeless population continually face rejection. 

There are several homeless shelters throughout the city of Dallas, each with their own rules. Some with an age requirement, others with a 7 day maximum, some who kick you out each morning make you wait in line again the next day. Many of the clients I work with always have a back up plan. They know that if they aren't able to stay in "shelter A" for the night, they are fully prepared to walk to "shelter B" hoping to obtain a bed/mat for the night. They know there is always a chance they will get turned away, and they still push through to find a place to rest their head each night. 

The homeless population uses what is available to them.

There are resources in the community that provide meals for the homeless community but if they miss the opportunity to eat, it could be hours before their next meal. Recently a client I work with told me if the weather is bad and he's unable to panhandle to get enough money for food, he's had to resort to digging through the trash cans just to find any piece of edible food to satisfy his hunger. 

The homeless population does not become attached to "stuff," they are minimalist.

To live on the streets, "stuff" is not your friend. Everything you own, you carry. You quickly begin to learn to rely only on necessities. Your backpack/duffle bag is the most important thing you own because without it, carrying everything becomes quite difficult. Just this week, I picked up a client from the hospital to find that the two bags he had the last time I saw him are now gone. I asked what happened and he explained his belongings were discarded by the shelter because he was admitted to the hospital. This man has only the shirt, pants and shoes he is wearing but smiled with joy as his face was met with the beaming light of the sunshine from the sky. 

"Stuff" doesn't matter to him. 

The homeless population are gifted in the art of trade and barter.

I once had a client tell me about a 7-eleven clerk who was kind enough to make a deal with him. My client shared that sometimes churches and other organizations would provide water bottles, clothing, shoes, or miscellaneous items when they came through the shelter. My client explained that if he had everything he needed and couldn't find anyone else who could use what he was given for free, the store clerk would allow him to trade a pair of pants or shoes for food/snacks for the week. As I listened to him speak, I was impressed with his creative ability to be resourceful with what he had. Having an extra pair of pants was a great thing, but ensuring he had nutrients for the week was far more important. 

Never knowing when their next meal will be, the homeless use what is available to them to keep themselves alive. Unable to find shelter, they are creative in coming up with ways to keep themselves warm in the cold and dry in the rain. Without a car or money for a bus pass, they will walk for miles just to get a meal or use the computer to look for a job. 

As I think about these men and women, I can't help but be so proud of them. I can tell you without a doubt in my mind, I'm not sure how long I could be strong under those circumstances.

Single Matters Article - 7 Things Your Biceps Can't Do For Me

This weekend a girlfriend of mine asked, “Would you date a man if he had all the emotional qualities you are looking for but wasn’t your physical preference?” Without hesitation, I answered “Absolutely.”


Yes, deep down every girl desires a man whose gene pool will produce beautiful children the rest of the world will “oooh” and “aaah” over, but that isn’t the top priority on our list.


Looks fade; we will all be wrinkled and old soon, but having a life partner who supports you and cares for your heart is far more important than how good looking he is.


As I answered her question, I wondered how many single men know and understand exactly what a female is longing for when it comes to finding a spouse. 


So, single men, here’s a look into the things women really long for—the things no amount of time in the gym will help you achieve.


This is an article I wrote for Single Matter's Magazine, to view the entire article, follow this link, http://www.singlematters.com/7-things-your-biceps-cant-do-for-me/

Single Matters Article - Facebook: The New Way To Meet Potential Dates?

I’ll never forget the night I learned about the boy who fell from the sky.


My girlfriends and I were in the mood for yummy desserts and live music, so we all agreed to meet at one of our local favorite hot spots, Obzeet.


Julie was as stunningly beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside, and each of us desired for her to find a mate who would love and cherish her the way she deserved. The last guy she dated, while a nice guy, just wasn’t what we had hoped for.


This is an article I wrote as a guest contributor for Single Matters Magazine, to read the entire article, follow the link below. http://www.singlematters.com/facebook-the-new-way-to-meet-potential-dates/

When Flirting Becomes A Danger Zone

Guilty! That's how I've been feeling lately after a recent outing with some of my friends. You see, after not seeing many of them for such a long time, I wasn't quite sure how I would adjust to being back. Would we pick up where we left off? Would things be awkward? Would we be starting all over again? When you've been gone for so long, it's easy to question where you stand in people's lives. After all, I hadn't been a part of many of their lives for the last 12 months. 

 

Those questions didn't even cross my mind when I saw my friends, it was as if nothing changed. We joked, we laughed, and things felt natural. Among the jokes and the laughter was lots of fun banter. I'm the kind of person who loves to banter. I blame my dad for his witty and often misunderstood sarcasm. I love to meet someone who can appreciate my humor and match my banter. It's a unique trait to find. Especially when sensitive emotions tend to cause hurt feelings by something you intended to be a funny joke. But because of this unique kind of banter, I have to be careful not to cross the line between fun banter and flirtatious encounter.

It's really easy to get caught up in treating members of the opposite sex as potential suitors, but we are instructed to treat them as brother's and sister's in Christ.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 tells us to treat others as fathers, brothers, mothers and sisters, WITH ALL PURITY.  Not only are we instructed to treat them the way we would treat family but Paul puts an emphasis on making sure we understand that means to treat them with purity.

We need to be careful not to treat our brother's and sister's in Christ as potential suitors but be reminded that they are someone else's future husband/wife and we need to respect that.

 

Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves as singles before flirting;

1. Am I in a place where I am available to date.

While chatting about a member of the opposite sex, a girlfriend of mine asked "Is he in a season of dating or singleness?" Before attending my current church, I had never heard this term before. If you are not married, aren't you always in a season of dating? Well, the answer to that is no. If you are healing or in recovery, you probably shouldn't be dating while you are going through that. If you have a dependence on something other than the Lord, you probably need to surrender that addiction before you enter in to a relationship. It's not fair for others to take on baggage you haven't even attempted to work through yet. So, if you know in your mind you are not open to being in a relationship, please consider that before flirting with the opposite sex.

2. Have I learned enough about this person to know I want to know more?

Physical attraction is great and it definitely creates "chemistry" between two people but that isn't enough. While banter and flirtatious behavior can give you an indicator the other person is also interested, it's important to learn a little more about them before moving forward. Keep in mind when you flirt with someone, it says "I am interested in you."
 3. Are my actions unique to this person or do I act this way with everyone?

I can't express enough how much of a turn off it is to see someone openly flirt with multiple people. If you are the type of person who is very affectionate or very friendly with everyone, it may be time to evaluate your actions. It may be the very thing that is keeping you single. When you do find someone you are interested in, your reputation will precede your interest and that person may not feel uniquely special if they know this is how you act with everyone.

4. What message do I want others to see?

There have been several times I have seen interactions between two people of the opposite sex and thought they were dating or thought they were interested in each other and it never goes anywhere. We need to be aware that when we flirt with someone, other people see that. We need to think about what message we are sending to others. By flirting, you are saying you are interested in this person so when others of the opposite sex see you acting that way, they assume your emotions are consumed by someone else. When people of the same sex see you flirting, they think that person is off limits because of the way the two of you are interacting with each other. It's not fair to either of you if the flirting isn't leading anywhere.

Single Matters Article - Am I Not Pretty Enough

Friday night, I went to a coffee shop to watch my lovely friend Julie perform. She is a very talented singer, and every time she plays I jump at the chance to go listen to her sing. I’ve listened to her many times before, but this night she sang songs I have never heard before. In the middle of singing her heart out through songs she had written, both past and present, about heartache and love, she sang a Kasey Chambers song called “Not Pretty Enough.” Here are part of the lyrics:

 

Am I not pretty enough?

 

Is my heart too broken?

 

Do I cry too much?

 

Am I too outspoken?

 

Don’t I make you laugh?

 

Should I try it harder?

 

Why do you see right through me?

 

 

As Julie sang these words I fought back the tears created by an emotional tug on my heart. I thought about how many times I’ve felt that way, wondering “What’s wrong with me, why not me?”



In fact, several months ago I asked a guy that very question....


The complete article can be found at the online Christian magazine Single Matters by clicking this link http://www.singlematters.com/am-i-not-pretty-enough/

The secret is out... I'm writing a book!

Naked Friday's at the psych ER, marriage proposals from the criminally insane, or chocolate chunk cupcakes made from poop served directly to me; my life has been full of interesting stories to tell. Over the years you all have made it very clear you hoped I would one day write a book showcasing the stories of the people I've worked with. 

I may one day take you up on that challenge, however, I'm sad to report, that isn't what this book is about.  

Some of you many know that prior to leaving for Korea, there was a man who had my heart. He made me laugh, I enjoyed his company and no matter how many stupid things he did, my heart always smiled at the thought of him. What you may not know is that despite our many dinner's, meet up's over coffee, daily text and phone calls, and intimate conversations about the Lord, we never had the title of being "In a relationship." 

I avoided going to Korea, hoping our friendship would progress into a relationship and after hearing the words "You're everything I want in a wife, but it's just not you," I boarded the plane heart broken and confused. Through the process of healing, I sought the answer to the question "How do I guard my heart." I googled that phrase, desperate to find out how to keep myself from hurting so much the next time. 

In an attempt to find answers, I reached out to several of my girlfriends asking what they thought it meant to "Guard your heart," and not one of them had the same answer. It's at that point, that I realized there were probably many other single women out there, who like me, had no clue how to protect themselves in their relationships, dating or otherwise. 

As my heart began to heal, the Lord opened my eyes to all the things I needed to take responsibility for. He showed me what I did wrong and the things I could have done differently. Over the last 10 months, I have carefully observed the dating habits of my single friends only to find that many of them continue to participate in the same behaviors I did that lead to such devastation. I hope by writing this book, it will educate the single community on the lessons the Lord has taught me in an effort to help them understand how to date in a healthier way. 

I hope you will read the book and spread the news to your friends and family who you think may be interested in reading it as well. Thank you for your continued support! 

5 years sober

If you've ever known anyone who has struggled with a drug or alcohol addiction you've probably heard something like "Hi, my name is ____ and I've been sober for ____ days." When I counseled people with addiction, before I learned anything else about them I knew their addiction and how long they had been sober. This weekend I was taught a very harsh lesson and I learned just how important it is to remind yourself of how long you've had strength to resist the temptation of sin. 

This week was really tough for me. Emotionally, I hit a low I haven't felt in a while. I could feel myself spiraling down and I could also feel Satan plotting with his minions ready to attack. I felt overwhelmed and after fighting temptation, I gave in to one of my sin struggles and turned to food for comfort. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit covered me, assured me I was not defeated and had the strength to push through. I pushed through only to be continually attacked with ferocious weapons that felt too hard to fight. With every dagger thrown at me I could feel myself becoming weaker. Satan's attacks began to get a grip on me and it was as if every sin I've struggled to overcome was suddenly lurking over me and had me in a daze ready to give in. 

I'm ashamed to admit that although I didn't actually participate in the act of sin I was thinking about, I gave power to temptation by letting the thoughts linger and take control of my mind. I began justifying it in my head and making excuses before anything even happened. I convinced myself it would be okay and immediately started to dismiss all the other things I had found victory over.

Fortunately for me, the only direction you can head when you are down is up and something incredibly beautiful happened. Engulfed in lingering thoughts of temptation with Satan and his minions encircling me, I could literally feel Jesus covering me, taking all the daggers being thrown at me. As I pictured Jesus enduring the pain that was intended for me, the Holy Spirit began whispering "5 years Brandy, 5 years. You've fought this battle with strength and self control for 5 years, don't throw that away, you can do this. We will help you." 

God completely broke me in that moment in the most beautiful way. He reminded me of the spiritual growth and transformation He has done in my life in the last few years, and specifically of the growth that happened while I was in Korea. He reminded of the big plans He has to use me in mighty ways and the strides we have made to get closer to that place. And most importantly He reminded me that I have self control! He reminded me of 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and self control."

What ever sin you struggle with, alcohol, drugs, lust, anger, over eating, sex, legalism...ect, I want you to know that no sin is too big for you. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." He gets angry when we are distressed, he makes the earth shake and tremble, the heavens quake (2 Samuel 22:7-8) He doesn't like to see us hurting and will continue to take our pain, and equip us with the strength to fight when we are weak. You can do this! Even if you have only been "sober" for 1 day, it is one day of victory and you should be proud of that! 

What are you dressing up as?

It's that time of year. The time of year when pumpkins get a make over with green paint, a wig and a hat, doctored to become a scary witch. The time of year when children rush door to door hoping to find their favorite candy bar and praying they don't hit the house giving out dental floss and toothbrushes. The time of year when people spend countless hours running to different stores trying to pick out the perfect Halloween costume that will transform them from their every day selves into something that gives them a new found identity for just a few sacred hours.

I don't usually get sucked up into the Halloween hoopla. I have the same tradition every year. A trip to the store to buy some candy corn that will satisfy my sugar craving. And a night spent indulging in my favorite Halloween movie, Hocus Pocus, yelling "A muck, a muck, a muck" with Sarah Jessica Parker and daydreaming about the man that will one day be smiling at my cuteness as I serenade him with the words "I put a smell on you, and now your mine, mine, mine, all mine!" Don't judge me :) 

Anyways, amidst all the Halloween craziness, I found it very ironic that the week people are running around searching for disguises, I stumbled across a passage in my quiet time speaking of that very same thing. I found it only fitting to share my thoughts. The passage I am referring to comes from 1 Samuel. After Saul's disobedience to God, his unlawful sacrifice, and his attempt to end David's life (even after he promised David he would stop coming after him), Saul cries out to God in distress but God does not answer him. 

The story of Saul's life is a great example of the constant battle between gratifying our flesh or honoring the Lord. At the beginning of Chapter 28, Saul does the lawful thing by putting the mediums and the spirits out of the land. It's one of the few times in Samuel we see Saul doing the right thing. His attempt to do the right thing, was however quickly overshadowed when his impatience led to him making several impulsive decisions. After Saul cries out to the Lord and does not get an answer, he does what many of us do. Grasp on to whatever we think will bring us the comfort we seek when the distressing unknown is lurking us in the face. So, Saul having just banned the mediums from the land, puts on a disguise. I don't know about you but when I picture Saul frantically trying to find a solution to the Lords silence, I imagine him rushing to put on a disguise similar to the one Sheldon Cooper puts on as he tries to get past Amy Farrah Fowler after she asks him to meet her mom.

Sorry, I digress, if you don't watch The Big Bang Theory, you should! So, all decked out in his disguise, knowing the medium won't see him otherwise, Saul travels to get some answers. The medium knows she will get in trouble if she gets caught so she reminds the man in the disguise that her life is on the line for helping him. Saul, quickly and desperately assures her she will not be punished, even going as far as to swear by the Lord. Saul's time with the medium ends with her calling on Samuel's spirit to reveal that due to his disobedience to the Lord, Saul will soon die. 

In this example, the Lord had no intention of answering Saul's cry to him. But I couldn't help but wonder how many times the Lord has sat up on His heavenly throne patiently waiting to answer my cries to Him just to see if I would be obedient in waiting for his response. This passage made me think of one of my favorite go to verses when I'm struggling with patience. That verse is Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." This verse reminds me that in those moments when I am frantically trying to figure out which way to go, I need not be frantic but to turn my attention to the Lord and remind myself He is there. God promises to keep our minds in peace if we stay focused on him. I hope to encourage you not to run to the next best thing when God doesn't give you an immediate answer, but to be faithful in your obedience to Him by showing Him you trust him.  

The Crafty Harlot

As a single girl, you've probably heard the words "You will find your husband when you least expect it," or "He will come when you stop looking." It's something I've heard time and time again from my married friends. Each time I've heard those words it has come partnered with a beautiful love story of how they met their husband in a time when the last thing on their mind was meeting their mate. Few times, those words have been spoken paired with hidden inflections of frustration as the women expressed how they had gotten to a point where they had given up on love. But each story has something else in common, a woman who's heart was completely devoted to the Lord's plan and provision in her life.

As I was reading in Proverbs recently, I came across a passage titled "The Crafty Harlot." In other translations, this passage is known as the "Warning Against the Adulterous Woman," "The Wiles of the Harlot," and my personal favorite, "Another Warning about Immoral Women, because clearly, we don't get it! 

As I read this passage, I realized the Lord is not only talking about adulterers in this passage but about many of today's single women. Now bear with me girls, I'm not calling you a harlot, or any of the other non so flattering synonyms to the word like hussy, tramp or slut. So please, let me explain myself. 

In Chapter 7, the bible describes the harlot as "loud and rebellious, lurking at every corner." As she speaks to the man she has lurkingly found, she says "So I came out to meet you, diligently to seek your face and I have found you. (vs. 15)" You see, many single women of our day are "on the prowl," searching for their perfect match, Mr. Right, "The One." 

The senior pastor at my church said it best in his blog titled Treasures Don't Do the Hunting.Take a moment to let these very wise words sink in.

"One of the reasons guys don't pursue women, 

is that they don't have to...

Why? 

Because he has no reason to pursue you privately,

if he can always enjoy you publicly..." 

It seems to me that the christian single life is becoming more and more appealing. Why do guys need to make a commitment when they can have 3 to 4 group dates with you each week. They see you at church, service opportunities, dinner after the softball game, and of course the weekly Friday/Saturday night social outings. You put your best clothes on in anticipation of being able to see the latest guy you are crushing on, scanning the room so your eyes can meet his to see if he notices you.

It breaks my heart to see so many women discontent in their singleness when Paul tells us it is one of the greatest gifts we can have. He tells if we are single not to seek a spouse. He reminds us that "The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and in spirit." free to serve the Lord without distraction. 

One of my new favorite examples of how to serve the Lord without distraction is a woman in the bible who doesn't get a lot of attention. Her name is Anna. 

Everything we know about Anna is captured in three short verses in the book of Luke. Anna is described as "very old," "a widow of 84 years." Unclear of whether she was 84 years old or a widow for 84 years, what we do know is she was with her husband only 7 years and spent the rest of her adult life as a widow, wholeheartedly devoted to the Lord. Verse 37 tells us that Anna "did not depart from the temple, but served God with fasting and prayers DAY and NIGHT." Anna was a devoted follower of the Lord who understood where her time should be spent. She cried out to God daily, spent time with Him nurturing her relationship with him and putting others before herself and she fasted and prayed. 

I pray that we will be devoted to a life of putting God first, that as a single woman you will be described by the same words and phrases used to describe Ruth, Ester and Anna and that we will stop creating opportunities for future texts titled "Again, Another Warming about Immoral Women. "

I hope as a body of single women, we will be mindful of our actions and where we are spending our time. If you are spending more time out at social gatherings in your conquest to find a mate than you are seeking the Lord and getting to know Him more intimately then you might need to re-evaluate your priorities. 

We are the Ruth's, Ester's and Anna's of the future generation. Let's be an example to the girls following behind us and help them understand their worth is not found in men. Allow yourselves to be less available to men and more available to God and trust me when I say that when your heart is so hidden in God, you will be come undeniably attractive to every man of God around you.

Christian Cliche's

I have something to confess. I have been guilty of giving the typical christian cliche response when my friends and family have come to me with struggles. In my heart, I am a "fixer" trying to save the world and when someone in my life is hurting my initial response to fix the situation and remove the hurt and pain. Recently, while reading the book of Job, the Lord convicted my heart of that very thing and opened my eyes to seeing how that is not helpful. 

To refresh your memory, Satan was "checking in" with God in heaven (Job 1:6) and they began talking about Job. The Lord told Satan "there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil." God was confident in Job's faithfulness and obedience to him so he allowed Satan to use his power over Job commanding only one thing, that he not "lay a hand on his person." Satan used his power indeed, causing Job to lose his property and his children and infecting him boils all over his body. Job was in so much pain he cried out to the Lord cursing the day of his birth. 

Can you imagine losing everything you own, your family and battling and illness that daily causes tremendous pain. Job was justifiably upset. He cried out to God in anger, he didn't understand what was going on. And although God comforted Job from afar, he also provided 3 men on earth that were friends to Job during this difficult time in his life. As I continued to read through the bible's mention of Job's three friends, conviction stirred my heart. 

In Chapter 4 we are introduced to Eliphaz who reacts by telling Job "Remember now, who ever perished being innocent?" Eliphaz was convinced the reason Job was facing so much turmoil in his life was because of some unconfessed sin he needed to deal with. His friends Bildad and Zophar had similar feelings, telling Job he needed to repent for whatever he had done. 

All three of these men saw what Job was going through and believed He was being punished by God. They urged him to confess and repent for his wrongdoing, when all the while Job was being taken through a trial we would be talking about years later as we reflect upon Job's faithfulness to the Lord through his difficulty. These men had no idea what was really going on but they formed opinions about what they thought was happening and tried to "help" Job by giving him useless and unnecessary advice. 

Here are some do's and don'ts we can all take away from this passage. 

Do:

- Prayerfully consider how you will respond. If a friend approaches you in times of trouble or sadness, grief or mourning, allow yourself time to say a prayer (even a quick one) asking the Lord to speak through you what HE wants you to say. 

- Listen more and talk less. Often times when someone is hurting they just need to get it out. They don't always need the problem to be fixed right then and there. You can be the most help by letting them talk to you and not responding. 

- Always pray for discernment. If you are continually asking the Lord to provide discernment, He will. The holy spirit is our helper and he will speak to you and guide you if you are seeking it. 

Don't:

- Don't be impulsive. One of the things Job's friends did right was lay with him and wait (2:13). They didn't speak, they just sat with him and waited, acknowledging that his grief was great. 

- Don't respond with the typical christian cliche's like; "God works in mysterious ways," "God has a plan for you," "God doesn't give us more than we can handle," and "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it." They are not helpful and frankly, very annoying. 

- Don't google "bible verses for encouragement" and pick the first thing that "speaks to you" to send to your friend in need. 

Lastly, I want to point out the Lord's response to Job's three friends in this situation. In Chapter 42 v. 7 God says "My wrath is aroused against you and your two friends, for you have not spoken of Me what is right, as my servant Job has... My servant Job shall pray for you." Be the Job in these situations, the man being USED by God, not the man angering God. 

60 day challenge

At the beginning of July, I opened my e-mail to find a short blog from my favorite author. Titled A Soul That Longs For More, Lysa began telling us about the time God told her to give her bible away. It's a very moving story and you can click here to read the whole thing. 

As Lysa concluded her blog, she explained a month after giving her bible to the man on the airplane he called to tell her he had taken a week off work to read it and had shared his testimony with numerous people. As I read those words, my entire being was convicted. This man knew the news he had been given about the Lord was so great that he had to know more. He felt it was so important to know more that he took a week, AN ENTIRE WEEK, off work just to read the bible. 

Embarrassed. 

Ashamed. 

Unworthy. 

Undeserving. 

Guilty. 

Repentant. 

Those are the emotions I felt as I realized I had never once felt the passion and drive this man felt to set EVERYTHING in his life aside just to be with our sweet Jesus. 

That Sunday, I got up to go to church to hear that our pastor was challenging the church body to read the entire bible in 2 months. Yup, 60 days! The pastor partnered the challenge with the words "If you spend at least 1 hour in your bible a day, you can do it." 1 hour doesn't seem like much when you think about a 24 hour day. Surely we can manage to find time for 1 hour of reading but when you had 8 hours of sleep, an 8 hour work day (more like 10 or 12 for some of you) and the other tedious tasks throughout the day, that 1 hour may feel a little overwhelming.  I thought about all the 365 day reading plans out there to get through the bible in 1 year and I laughed because instead of being hesitant to take the challenge, I was more than excited.

I took the challenge that day and next week will wrap up my 60 day challenge of reading the bible all the way through. This challenge has completely changed my life, my relationship with the Lord and my attitude toward so many things. I know there are others of you who are driven by the same competitive nature inside of me so I want to challenge you to join me in the 60 day challenge. Pick up your bible and spend some amazing quality time with the Lord you won't be able to ignore. Let him move your heart and speak to you through passages you've read in the past and new words you've never laid eyes on. Open your heart and mind to the things He desires to say to you through words written so long ago and be receptive to what you are hearing. I promise you one thing, if you will allow Him to, God is about to move in your life in a mighty way! 

A few suggestions as you embark upon this challenge; 

- Pray. Pray before your time with the Lord asking Him to remove distractions and help you to focus on the things He wants you to hear. Pray that your heart and mind will be open and that you will listen and remember what He is revealing to you. 

- Journal. One of the things I learned in Equipped Disciple is that if you underline or mark a verse it is because the Lord is speaking to your heart and you should take time to meditate on that verse. As I read now, each time I mark something in my bible, I write the verse down in a notebook, thank the Lord for speaking to my heart and write why this verse moved me. When you do this it sinks in more and God is really able to use what He is revealing to you in a bigger way. 

- Find an accountability partner. Satan is really good at making us feel defeated and want to give up. Find someone you can take this challenge with who can help push and motivate you to finish and not give up. 

- Don't save the old testament for last :) This seems silly but it's so true. The old testament can be difficult to read sometimes and many of us are guilty of avoiding it or reading it less than the new testament. I would highly encourage you to read 2 to 3 New testament books and then read one of the harder old testament books after that. 

I don't have an outline or schedule I followed, I just read as my heart lead but if you would like my help or suggestions I would be more than happy to send them to you. Happy reading everyone! 

Royal Treatment

On my flight back to the states I had a 3 hour layover in China. It wasn't long enough to go out and explore the country at all and frankly, all I could think about was getting back to America. So, I found a comfy airport seat, pulled out my coloring books and went to town. While I was minding my own business coloring my dinosaur picture, I heard a beautiful sound. The sound of people speaking English. 

I can't explain to you how nice it is to hear your native language being spoken when for the last 8 months all you've heard is a language you don't understand a word of. Unfortunately, that beautiful sounds I was hearing quickly turned to something not so beautiful as I heard the words "I'll tell you one thing, I'll be da**ed if I get pushed by a Chinese person in my own country. It's my turf, that better not f***ing happen on my turf!" As I heard these words, I turned to see a man, probably in his early 30's telling his mother how much he hates the Chinese people and he is so happy to be leaving the country. 

I couldn't sit there and listen to him berate a culture that had just employed him, sheltered him and provided him financial stability for the last 12 months. I expressed to him that I understood his frustration as I too had endured similar treatment in Korea but I didn't support the way he was choosing to openly belittle this culture. My attempts didn't matter and he didn't see my point of view but our conversation quickly got me thinking. 

There were many times while in Korea that I felt mistreated, unwanted and under appreciated  I wondered how much of that was genuinely what the Korean's felt about me and how much of that was my perception based on things I couldn't understand due the the inability to communicate. 

As I crossed through the Chinese customs lines to catch my next flight to LA, I felt the same way, pushed aside and rushed through the "Foreigner" line. It's a weird feeling to be an immigrant in another country. But then... I arrived in America!! And I realized, China, Korea, and America could all afford some additional training in sensitivity to cultural diversity. As I approached the first line to get through customs at LAX, I was approached by a man who whispered to me "Are you American?" I told him yes and he motioned for me to come with him. He explained I was standing in the U.S. Citizens line but they had allowed non U.S. citizens in "our line" because the lines were so long. I explained to him I had an 11 hour layover and I was in no rush to go to the front of the line to which he replied "But you are American, you deserve to go to the front of the line." I thanked him but told him I was fine waiting. I was completely disgusted by his actions and his ignorance in assuming that just because the people standing around me didn't look the same way I did, does not mean they don't speak English and can't understand every word he is saying. 

I patiently waited through the very long line to get through the first check point to again have the same thing happen in the second line. This time, I was approached by a man in a security uniform. He simply said the words "Come with me," so I did as he said, unsure of why he was pulling me out of the line with at least 20 people standing in front of me. As we moved away from the crowd he said "You are American right?" I answered yes and he said "Okay, come to this line it's much shorter." 

I wasn't wearing my American Flag t-shirt or my Texas Rangers baseball cap so I'm unsure how someone can take a two second look at me and without hearing a word from my mouth just assume I am American. If there is one thing I learned from my time in Korea is that you absolutely can't make an assumption about where someone is from based on their appearance. I met South African's who I assumed where from England. Canadians who I thought were American. In my own journey to self discovery, I realized just how ignorant I was to other cultures and frankly, based on my interactions with the staff at the airport, I believe there are many other's like me who are completely ignorant to the world they are a part of. The Lord has blessed us by allowing us to live in a world filled with people from all walks of life. I look forward to the day we are all embracing that instead of continuing to ostracize ourselves and stay in our comfortable bubble. 

Please remember, 

1. Just because someone is speaking a language other than English, doesn't mean they don't understand the words you are saying. Be aware of the things you are saying and how they can impact the people around you. 

2. As someone who has been an immigrant in another country, I want you to know just how difficult and challenging is. I hope we will all be more sensitive to those around us who do not call America their first home. They have come here for a better life for themselves and their families. Be the body of Christ and show them the love the deserve as humans, regardless of where their family originates. 

Back on American soil

First, I want to apologize for keeping this a secret. The contract with my school was scheduled to end on August 16th and my little sister's college graduation was August 10th. So, with only a week between the two dates, I decided to come home in time for her graduation and in order to surprise her, I had to keep it quiet. I hope you understand.

Here are the answers to the questions I predict you may have. 

1. What happened? Why are you coming home early?

Since April, we have been dealing with daily threats of our school closing, wondering if we would get paid, and stressing about drama between the Korean teachers and the director of our school. After months of threats, blackmail, and being faced with the options of selling or losing his business, the director of our school decided to sell. I met the new owners of the school (the ones responsible for all the threats and blackmail) and I decided I no longer wanted to work for people with such poor character. With the school closing, I was left with 3 choices, work for the new owners, find another school and sign a new contract, or come home. I couldn't imagine signing to spend another year in Korea so my decision was to come home. 

2. What now?

Prior to leaving for Korea, I sold almost everything I owned, all my furniture and belongings as well as my car. Starting over again with nothing to my name, I feel the wisest decision for me is not to return to Dallas at this time. So, I am currently living in Killeen, TX, the city my parents live in and the best part is, it's only 2 and a half hours away from Dallas :) 

3. When will you be back in Dallas?

I'm hoping to make a trip that way the 3rd or 4th week in August. I promise to let everyone know as soon as I know for sure. 

P.S. I have a new phone number so if you message me your number I will send you a text with my new number. 

P.S.S. Killeen has two fabulous places to go two stepping and there is plenty of room to sleep in my parents 5 bedroom house for anyone who feels like a short weekend roadtrip ;) ;) 

I've missed you all so much and I can't wait until I get to see you again. 

Home sweet Home

As the end of my contract approaches, I have been daydreaming about all of the things I look forward to upon my return to the states. I've been surprised by some of the things I've missed and entertained as I think about them. I thought you might get some enjoyment out of the randomness of my thoughts so I decided to share.

 

Here is my top 10 list of the things I look forward to the most:

10. Barbeque sauce. Koreans have tried to master the art of friend chicken and some foreigners prefer the chicken here to what they are used to getting back home but nothing compares to how the southerners do fried chicken and I can't wait to eat it with a heaping side of barbeque sauce that does not have the word "sour" anywhere on the label. 

9. Warm towels. Hanging clothes to dry is great for saving on your electric bill but I definitely prefer the clean feeling than the few extra dollars saved. I will gladly be washing and entire load of towels just to dry them and wrap myself up in their warmth when I return.

8. Southern hospitality. The entire time I've been in Korea, I've been pushed and shoved out of the way, stared at funny for holding a door open and given dirty looks for smiling as a nice gesture as I walk by. I am so looking forward to the charm and kindness of my fellow southerners.  

7. Shopping!!! Fashion in Korea is super cute but with all the "You big size" comments and tags that say "One size fits all" that should read "Our size fits one American thigh," I cannot wait to walk into a store a know that whatever I try on will actually fit me and look flattering. 

6. Fred Flintstones free bed. Although it may take my body some time to readjust to a bed that is not as flat as the ground we walk on, I am absolutely looking forward to sleeping in a bed with padding. 

5. Ordering food in English. Reading Hangul helps foreigners be able to pronounce what they are ordering correctly but just because you can pronounce it doesn't mean you understand what you are ordering. I am so excited to be able to go to a restaurant and order food knowing I will not be randomly surprised as I stare down at a bowl of pig cheeks or pig skin (Yes, I've accidentally ordered both).

4. Sexual harassment. If you are a foreigner living in Korea, you are only considered beautiful if you are blonde and The Corpse Bride skinny. Don't get me wrong, I know their standards of beauty are extreme and with the utmost humility I can genuinely say "I looks fly" BUT I definitely miss the occasional random pick up lines like "Girl are you a parking ticket cause you got FINE written all over you!" 

3. Taking a bath. I've never been a bath person, something about sitting in your own filth totally grosses me out but after a long stressful day, sometimes I would like the option of lighting a candle and listening to some Enya as I soak my troubles away in a bubble bath. 

2. Quality time. I love the advances we have made in modern technology over the years and I am grateful for FB, e-mail and skype. It has been wonderful to be able to stay in touch with everyone since I've been gone but nothing compares to being face to face with the people you love.

1. My crazy family!! Having Kasey visit me has been such a wonderful treat but it has also reminded me of how good I have it. I miss my family so much, I even miss having Brooke call me 15 times a day to leave messages yelling at me for not answering the phone the other 14 times she called. I can't wait to get hugs from my family and slobbery kisses from my nieces and nephews. 

Stop, drop and roll

Two weeks after arriving in Korea, I was introduced to the very loud, very obnoxious intercom systems I would soon realize would become part of every day life for me here. Over the loud speaker, an announcement was made letting us know someone would soon be visiting our apartment to spray for bugs. Not understanding a word of Korean, when the man came over the intercom and began to explain, I was confused and felt as though I had got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I knew the announcement was for the entire building but the words he was speaking made me feel like I was in trouble. There is something about the Korean language that will do that to you. 

A few minutes later, I got a knock on my door and a woman began speaking to me in Korean. I had absolutely no idea what she was saying and after a few minutes of her yelling things at me, she handed me a pen and motioned for me to sign her clipboard. When I got to school, my co-teachers explained the lady who came by was asking me to sign stating she had sprayed for bugs. 

The intercom announcements at my apartment usually happen once a month. They were annoying at first but I have gotten used to them. Nothing in Korea surprises me anymore. Once, I was studying the book of Hebrews in an outdoor, public park with some people from church and as we were reading the word, over the loud speakers we had no idea where in the park came another random announcement we could not understand. There are speakers everywhere in this country and I have come to expect the random, inconvenient timing of Korean news bulletins. 

Tonight however, I was not expecting it. As I lied in bed trying to get some rest and prepare for another crazy day of teaching, I was awoken by a sound I assumed was a fire alarm. I immediately rose trying to figure out what the foreign noise was. I didn't hear police sirens or fire trucks, there was no movement in the hallways and I didn't smell smoke so I calmed myself and laid back down. 10 minutes later the noise began again. Trying not to freak out as I wondered what was going on, I realized how scary it is to be in a foreign country, in a land of unknowns. In the entire 7 and a half months I have been here, I have never once heard the actual sound of a smoke detector or fire alarm. I have absolutely no idea what an emergency siren of any kind sounds like. 

It's a scary realization to know that if I actually were in danger, I wouldn't know. It made me reflect on all the times I was annoyed hauling children out of the CPS office during a routine fire drill or standing outside in the Texas heat as a child waiting to be allowed back inside the school. You don't realize the small things you take for granted until the fear of the unknown is staring you in the face. 

How far is too far?

Yesterday, I walked into my last class of the day to find one of my students crying. I asked her what was wrong but she doesn't speak much English and was unable to articulate what happened. Fortunately, the other boy in the class is more fluent and he pulled as many English words and hand gestures he knew to help translate for her. The student told me they had a test in the previous class and the student who was crying only got 2 answers right out of 10.

I asked the student if she was crying because she was sad about her score and she shook her head no and said "Angry my mom." She then used her hand to indicate she would be disciplined once she got home.  

I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated as the clocked revealed the student would soon be going home. When this child was put in my class in March, myself and another foreign teacher told the Korean staff this level was too high for her and she would not be successful. Despite our multiple attempts to get her moved down to an appropriate level, we were ignored. 

In Korea, classroom space and financial compensation from the parents take precedent to the actual needs of the child. We have had children placed in a class 4 levels higher than where they should be because "the other classes are full" (A full class being 6 students) or "His/her mom won't be happy if we move him/her down." 

The flip side of being pushed through too quickly is students that are pushed far to hard. Every Monday, I ask my students if they had a good weekend and what they did over the weekend. And each Monday, I hear several students respond saying "Study, to get 100% correct." 2 weeks ago I got a new student. A precious 6 year old who is in the first grade. At 6 years old, she is already fluent in Korean, English and Japanese and is in a class that is normally filled with Korean students who are 10 and 11 years old. 

 

I hurts my heart so much to know so many of my kids are being robbed of a normal childhood. We vent at work about the behavioral problems of our students but I wholeheartedly believe if they were given the chance to run around and be a child, they wouldn't be running around the school all day. I hate that the Korean children keep getting pushed through the Hagwon's despite their inability to excel at their current grade level. We aren't helping them, we are hurting them. And in Angela's case, the school's lack of concern for the child's well being is causing her to get a beating at home. :(

Run Waegook Run!

Last year on a whim, my community group and I decided to run the Color Run. I say run but you can hardly call what we did running. All 229 pounds of me showed up thinking I was actually going to be able to run some of it. I hadn't run in forever and I knew I wouldn't be able to run all of it but I was certain I would be able to run some of it. Ha! We ran a few steps but mostly we walked, splashed ourselves with color and made paint angles on the ground and it was a blast! 

Although I had a lot of fun, I definitely don't consider it an actual race. When I heard a girl at work talking about running a half marathon in Korea and how cool it was when she got her first medal in another country, my ears perked up and I thought to myself "I want a medal from another country." I didn't actually have a medal from my own country, but I was determined to get one while in Korea. So, with the help of another foreigner who reads Hangul much better than I do, I registered for my first 5k. 

For the last few weeks I've been training in an attempt to be able to run the entire 5k without walking. Unfortunately, my old ankle injury decided it didn't like all the running and started to cause me a lot of pain. I wasn't able to train like I was hoping so I definitely wasn't prepared to run the entire race.  

Despite not being fully prepared, I woke up Saturday morning ready to take my 2 hour bus ride to Boryeong for my race. After 4 cab rides to all the wrong bus terminals in Daejeon, I finally arrived at the correct bus terminal at 6:28am to board the bus departing at 6:32am. I watched as the runners for the half marathon and 10k left to run their courses and eagerly waited to start my 5k. 

Running my first race in Korea was interesting to say the least. In addition to the race medal a runner receives, typical gifts for completion include rice and seaweed. Before the start of each race, runners stretch together, and massage each other to prepare for the race. I was given the following warning from the girl who registered me, "Don't be alarmed if people start touching you." I'm glad her statement came with an explanation of the race massaging because I definitely would have been caught off guard. And lastly, Korean's take theme running to a whole new level. I saw a man with pantyhose on his head carring a huge toy gun the entire length of the race and three men wearing cheetah print dresses. Anywhere other than Korea I'm pretty sure the man carrying the gun would have been arrested and held for questioning. 

After we completed the race we walked to the nearby beach and jumped into the ocean with our race clothes on. In Korea, bathing suits are not allowed before summer and even during summer time, many girls wear a big baggy t-shirt to swim in due to the very modest dress code they follow in Korea. 

The water was just what we needed after a race in the very humid and hot Korean weather. We came out of the water to be greeted by a group of Ajusshi's (older Korean men) who wanted us to play a beach game with them. The game is called Jokju and can best be described as soccer volleyball. There is a low net in the middle, above the ground and you get points my serving the ball (with a kick) and kicking the ball from one side of the net to the other until someone scores. The Ajusshi's predictably underestimated us and were very surprised by our athletic abilities. Several head butts and face plants into the sand later, we took a group picture with the men and parted ways. 

It was a super great day and one I will definitely never forget. 

Medal from Korea, 34 minute finish time for my first race, a dive in the ocean and beach games with random Korean men... I'd consider that a definite success for my first official race!