Under God's wings

It's no secret I've battled depression, I've been very open with you all about that through this blog. Partly because it is an explanation for why I am so emotional all of the time, but mostly because though I continue to struggle with it from time to time, God has equipped me with the tools to overcome it and I want you to be encouraged knowing that you too, with the help of our Lord can overcome it as well. I was terrified to come to Korea because I knew the depression would creep back into my life and my family and friends would no longer be just a phone call away when I needed them. When that fear crept in, God reminded me that I should not be turning to them first but to Him.

Ready to embrace the big change and take the leap of faith I knew He wanted me to experience, I was hit with a tornado, hurricane and tsunami of emotions far beyond my control. I've never felt the intensity of emotion I felt weeks before I left and continue to feel today. Honestly, I have been a wreck a lot of the time I've been here and have spent many nights crying out to God for comfort. While my support system back home continues to be amazing, it is extremely difficult to be in a foreign land and not have them readily available when I need them. God has taken me away from my comforts and my support and thrown me in a situation where I have no choice but to turn to Him. 

Today in a moment of searching for answers, I turned to the story of Ruth. When we think of the story of Ruth, many of us think of her being referred to as a women of virtue or excellence or your mind may wonder to her lying at the feet of Boaz and asking him to take her as his wife. This story has brought me comfort many times during my singleness but today God spoke through this passage in a different way. He reminded me over and over again of Ruth's blind faith. After the loss of her father in law, brother in law and husband, Ruth's mother in law told her to return to her home and find a new husband. Ruth refused (1:16) and made the choice to follow Naomi to a land foreign to her. In my bible, the commentary reads "Ruth, A Moabitess, did not have Israelite culture to guide her actions. She had to rely totally on God for wisdom." She had to listen closely and patiently wait on the Lord to direct her. She had to trust in the discernment the Lord gave her as she choose to follow Naomi's advice and sit at the feet of Boaz.

There are countless verses in the bible about having faith but as the Lord stressed the significance of Ruth's faith, He reminded me of Hebrews 11:6, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." I know living by faith is difficult at times, I have had a really hard time lately as I'm blindly walking into a lot of things and not understanding the Lord's plan. But, I know two things, first, He has a plan and knowing that brings a lot of comfort. I may be walking blindly but He knows where I am going and will not lead me astray. And second, the Lord calls us to live by faith. As difficult as it may be sometimes, He calls us to do it and He wouldn't have done so if it weren't possible. So, under the Lord's wings I will continue to fly, knowing He will protect me and guide me through what is to come.